(music: Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Ke$ha)

Han and I went for a very productive running session on Thursday night, afterwhich we walked back to Yishun from Khatib stadium. The more we walk, the more we talk. I love talking to her while we are walking, I feel like the subjects of our conversation are constantly left behind.

We were in a gung-ho mood this week, so we ran again on Friday morning, this time at NUS. The NUS SRC/track is my favourite place in NUS, there's a view I named highway to heaven. I like the trees there, and everything. One day I'll post a photo. Maybe after this Friday's session.

I also like hanging upside down from the parallel bars, which I suppose are meant for gymnastics but all I do is hang upside down by the back of my knees and let the blood rush to my head like I'm on a rollercoaster. So far I haven't fallen down, but my bedframe is conveniently made of wood.

We went to U-Town for lunch. I thought of meeting Aaron (since I know his hall residence is there), but here's to hoping I get the courage the next time. It is almost an actual physical obstacle, how I find myself blocked from initiating conversations with people, especially if I haven't seen them for a long time.

Han brought me to Hwang's, where the Korean ladies are the epitome of kewtness and cheeriness.


We shared bap with beef and chicken, and dokbokki. It was alright, I don't think the dokbokki was spicy but one day the Tasties are gonna try the authentic rice cakes together in Korea. ;)

There was also kimbap sold there, which reminded me of Khalis saying that his Korean friends *ahem* had made some for them, and he liked the kimbap, and then I realised Khalis doesn't like sushi. Kimbap is rice rolled around ingredients, which to me, is extremely reminiscent of sushi.

Imma have to try it the next time and see if there's any noticeable difference in taste. If there isn't, then K is selenger.

We went to Central Forum afterwards because I thought there'd still be a book sale and I neeeeed new books to read but I found out it had ended (afterwhich Kel also Tweeted me to say there were no more, aw ♥) so I left for work.


*
Yesterday, as in Saturday, I made brunch for the family.


I found this in the freezer.


It's supposed to be heated up in the box!


This is the product.


I fried sausages, toasted bread, heated baked beans and scrambled heaps of eggs.

Looking at this photo, I am reminded of Blob's 20th birthday, when I planned a picnic at Botanic Gardens for him, with the other debaters, and then we went for a karaoke session, 'cos he'd never been and he wanted to, and then I brought him alone to the beach, where there were candles arranged for him, by Shahida and Hanisah, no less.

Go on, this is the post, I've made it easier for you. (If you think this is about you, then let me first extend my friendship to you. I don't like to be in anyone's bad books, so if you are willing to be friends, then I will be yours. I mean, only if you want to.)

Anyway, I'm reminded of all that, because I made scrambled eggs, and I remember Blob liked more pepper in his eggs. That is all.

I left home with my family in the early afternoon, and we went past this place:


Sunshine Terrace, and my baby sister (I think Lyssa will always be my baby sister because she's six years younger than I am, and when she was a baby/toddler, I was gradually becoming aware of my surroundings and experiences) snapped a photo for me.

And then we saw this pink car right behind ours!


I blurred out the number plate, IDK why. Just in case.

Anyway, Sunshine Terrace + pink car = makings of the start of happyday!

We were driving into JB, and at the Singapore customs, Lyssa and I were bored so we took a look at the motorcyclists in the next lane and tried to pick out eligible guys but there were none. So we moved on to police officers.

There was a police officer who had so much gel in his hair and styled it into such sharp points, that I said "eh policeman ni tak boleh oi. Rambut dia terlalu spiky. Aku rasa aku letak tangan boleh berdarah" (if I touch his hair, I think my hand will bleed).

I think there's something in JB air, because as we were going across the causeway, waiting for the Malaysian customs, Lyssa and I were going batshit crazy making caustic remarks about the cars and drivers in the lanes around ours.


First photo I took at the Malayland! IDEK what the "bit" is supposed to mean.


THIS. Lyssa says this goes to "what even" hell. We created a "what even" hell for things that are just WHAT EVEN?! that you can't say anything else. The slogan on this billboard (sic): "mouth reveal age but not face" WHAT EVEN is that supposed to mean?! Straight to "what even" hell.

In any case, you should know one of my favourite overseas activities is laughing at English errors. To be fair, I laugh at all my stupid Malay errors too, Zahidah was teaching me how to use "ku" in sentences, that it isn't an imbuhan. Congratulations on your life, self.


We went to Old Town for a bit of a dinner, even though we'd eaten some of my mum's fried rice in the car. I had French toast. I eat anything with egg. Wait I take that back. I don't eat any thing with egg. Lord knows what people would dare me to eat if I'd actually said that.

After dinner, we reached the destination for our intended activity.....





FIREWORKS! (Sorry, jakun Singaporean here.)


"Shoots flaming balls" yo. Balls of fire.





We had lots of fun watching and playing with fireworks, big and small, loud and quiet. The grandmas were such badasses! They weren't fearful of lighting/going near the fireworks at all, I think kampung life has made them fearless ninjas!!!!!!!

In contrast, my mum, sisters and I were being pussies about it, before we warmed up. (Geddit? Warm up to fireworks? Okay diam.)

It really struck me as amazing, that something so rare in Singapore, fireworks that we only get to view on special occasions like National Day and New Year's, can be done ourselves in Malaysia. I felt so grateful to be Singaporean, like I have the safety of Singapore but whenever I wanna take a risk, Malaysia boleh!




Playing with small sparklers like the wusses that we are.


My uncle was being quite a joker!


Mum levitating a ball of fire.


Teehee her face!


"Lumos," said my mum.


And her wand lit up.

I really enjoyed the fireworks and appreciated the symbol of such an activity to the Chinese family (with whom we were cordially invited to play fireworks), the fact that such light and loud noises scare away bad things and evil and things you fear.

It would be a nice 2012 if I could face my fears and chase them away.


We went into the house/office (oh, Malaysian properties) and saw a fire extinguisher and I was kidding with Lyssa about how to be a killjoy. Every time someone lights up a firework, bring the fire extinguisher to it and extinguish the flame, citing "fire hazard" LOLOL fucking trolling!

In any case, yesterday, as with the few times I've seen fireworks in the past two years, I was reminded of one of my bros (as in "brudder" although I do have two actual brothers).

I don't know if it's because he served as a firefighter during his NS, or because during the curtain call of his dance performance, Katy Perry's song Firework kept repeating over and over (yes I know, my brain recalls and links the weirdest things), but fireworks remind me of him. K, that is all.


Pop pop! reminds me of Magnitude and Leonard in Community. Pop, pop! *blows raspberry* Pop, pop! *blows raspberry* ridiculous!

Hennyways, I was checking the photos in my BB yesterday when it hung on Lyssa's aegyo photo.





This is the guilty one. I had to reboot my BB 'cos it was just not responding, otherwise. -.-

When I got back to Singapore, I received a Whatsapp from Shahida, with this image.


She said she'd tried to make it more pink especially for me! It put such a smile on my face, from our original image, to the hearts, to my crown and her cat ears. So adorable, this girl! She's my special kitty, for hugzzzzz. ♥

I went to sleep feeling very happy and thankful.


*
Today, I met up with the guai-kias. While waiting for Tim, Andrea and I got ice-cream while the rest got drinks.


We went to Azabu Sabo, as a compensation for the time Andrea went to the Clarke Quay one and got terrible (or non-existent) service!


Choco chip!


I had salt caramel and macadamia nut chocolate. I like that their ice-cream is so even and smooth.

We went to A&F after that. It was the first time for all of us, I think! The hot-bodied top-naked dudes, the lighting that resembles a clubbing scene, the chambers overwhelming with their A&F perfume! It was quite a cool first, but aside from the gimmicks (or precisely because of), we were too distracted to actually pay attention to the clothes.

I think that's the whole idea of A&F. Distract, distract, distract so people don't realise how much money they're paying for clothes they could get in better-lit stores elsewhere!


We went to Wild Honey, which serves all-day breakfast!


The happy birthday girl taking Instaxes of us. :)


Sugar cubes. Pearl and I were each sucking on a cube of cane sugar, unfortunately I could not display the full extent of my obscene prowess because Pearl is as clean as I am dirty. :P

After some minor interrogation on our individual lives, the food arrived!


Tim and his Scandinavian breakfast, salmon with hollandaise sauce!


Mine was Santa Fe breakfast, which tasted like a slightly spicy ful medames, or kacang pool! We all found it nice, albeit spicy for a breakfast meal. (We were eating at 7pm though, no matter.)


Pearl and her English breakfast with poached eggs.


Andrea and her English breakfast with scrambled eggs.


Happy Cuifen with her Californian breakfast, omelette with.... tofu, goat's cheese, jalapeno pepper? etc. It was vegetarian, served on brioche, and looked and tasted good!

They had quite a few vegetarian options there.


Tim gave me his tomato. We are a good best friend partnership because I give him the potatoes (not my favourite food) and he lets me have all his vegetables. Win-win! :D


The food was all yummy and filling, this is Pearl adjusting her belt, hehehe!


We took Instaxes 6 times, one for each of us.



Naturally, I took the pink one!


We really liked our waitress, Faith, that we asked to take a photo with her. She was suspicious that we were "mystery shoppers" hahaha.

She was so nice, when we were first seated, we enquired as to the portions of the food, whether big or small. And every breakfast set she served to another table, she'd bring it to us and tell us which dish it was. So sweet!

After our breakfast-dinner, we went to Fairprice Finest for Andrea to buy cockroach-killer (LOLOL).

Then we headed to Ion, and the five of us (without Pearl, who left early to do some assignment) sat down and "talked" about an ex-classmate and accumulated 280000 negative karma points in an hour, according to Andrea. D:

It was a fun night, and I hope Pearlyn liked her meal, and her gift. So much love and adoration for her! ♥

(more photos on Facebook!)


*


If you'd told me before today, that I'd cry at a song rendition by Ke$ha, and not out of pain in my ear, I'd have laughed. Listening to this now, though, I teared a few tears and it really moves me the way not many songs have moved me recently. This is just so, haunting, so sad, so amazing. Especially that it's Kesha.

It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
When the rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
Th light I never knowed
And it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try to make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, babe
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, babe
I can’t hear you anymore
Thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ walking down the road
You once loved a woman, a child you know
I give you my heart but you wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
But goodbye is just too good a word, babe
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious life
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

One of my fears in life is being abandoned or deserted. I'm very loyal and I fight for my friendships and try whatever I can to make it work, especially for my best friends. I hold on very tightly even if sometimes, I'm the only one holding on. I think I've learnt to let go now.

You may move on. I guess in some way I deserve it. This is what I did to Maurice. I let go so easily and moved on to you.

When it's not true love, when it's not yet a happy ending, one person will always love the other more, they will love someone who is blind to their love, and be blind to someone else's love.

Maurice did a lot for me, but I was quite blind to it. He put in effort to make me happy, bought me stuff all the time, gave me 28 roses for my 18th birthday, brought me here and there, and I never sought to keep him.

I did a lot for you, and even if you were not quite blind to it, you never gave me the attention I quite deserved. I asked my best friends to help me arrange candles on the beach for you, I organised a chalet for you, I was your best friend for all of two years and now you have a new best friend.

I think proportionate to what I felt for Maurice, you didn't feel I was worth putting in very much effort for, because you knew for a fact we were not going to last, so there was no point. I don't blame you, because I was guilty of the same in my previous relationship. Maybe you learnt from me.

You learnt what to do, from our relationship, just like I learnt what not to do. It's okay, you're not a bad guy, you're not the bad guy. You just didn't love me as much, I know. But you loved me, and that I know too, and am thankful for. That is all, I'm letting go of you now.


*
I actually keep realising how amazing my life has been, how special it's been because of all the special things people have done for me. I had a boyfriend who folded 28 stars for Valentine's Day and gave me 28 roses on my 18th.

I had a star-crossed lover who sat on benches with me beneath the open sky, and taught me about the constellation Orion, the very same one I saw while walking home tonight and the one I will always see in life. Despite being an unbalanced relationship and feeling like I was always giving, he gave me his heart for a period of time.

He folded hearts and an origami box and a love letter for me on the very next Valentine's Day after the aforementioned one. He was miserable when I was miserable, and I was happy because of this, because this was proof that he loved me. (I am a terrible person.)

He had the power to make me do anything, and it amused me so. He'd hold up his closed fist, and shake it in a "pumped-up/winning" manner, and tell me to do the same, so I'd be confident for something, anything. I would initially refuse but as with everything else, I end up doing it while rolling my eyes and laughing at him and myself.

And then there was him. He never had feelings for me, but he played the guitar and made a wooden house for my birthday (on which I balance both my pairs of drumsticks), he's given me free drumming lessons, he's called me at all the right times to cheer me up, and he visited me at the hospital with cookies just because I blogged about him and called him a jerk.

And all three of these guys, they still think of me now and again. They all linked me to the Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Zooey Deschanel New Year's Eve video, because in their minds, they know of my love for him and how closely linked JGL is with my happiness, and I find each of them so sweet.

How Moulin Rouge/Titanic-worthy romantic has my life been because of them?

Before any of these guys, when I was 16 and had just entered TP, I got to dance with the guy I had a crush on during orientation, and my now-best-friends from poly had brought him to my surprise 17th birthday celebration. How many people get that?

My best friends, the all-time ones, the ones since 9 years ago, they've been there for me all the time. Monetarily, they're there. Physically they're there (when I need a hug). Emotionally, the moment they know I'm down, they all chip in their two cents' worth, making me feel like I deserve something better.

I believe it because of them. I don't have to find a partner, but the fact that I have such amazing lovely best friends makes me believe enough that I am capable of having people love me. I am capable of loving people the right way, and well.

My mum and family. My mother has cancer, and she was the one worrying for my ear infection when I was in hospital, like it's my life that's at risk all the time. My mother has always protected me.

Everybody has always protected me, and I thank God for this. Thank God for giving me the best people in life to take care of me, to have taught me the most important, meaningful lessons I could have received.

I'm not saying my life is easy. My life has never been easy. I have divorced parents, I see controversies left right and center, my family isn't exactly financially stable or wealthy.

My mum is battling cancer, and sometimes I just wanna run away because if I were to stay home while she's sick, her vomitting just makes me feel helpless, and I feel disgusted with myself for being weak, when she's the one with physical weaknesses.

It doesn't get any easier, but you don't need to know that. All you need to know is, if you're reading this, you probably have played a part in caring for me, and fighting for me, and loving me, and protecting me, and I cannot thank you enough for it. You have made my life amazing, and I love it. And I will get by, for God.

"Lumos," and there was light.

Thank you God. Alhamdulillah.

Labels: don't think twice it's alright, guai-kia, malaysia boleh, most dysfunctional family ever, musing and reminiscence, the tasty bunch