(music: Here's to the Night - Eve 6)

There are words upon words to follow in this post but before that, here is a newsflash re: everything that happened in my life this week!

Basically, because I am a social media addict, everything that transpired was recorded on either Twitter or Whatsapp, or both, so I will transfer them here, mostly for Han's sake, because she has neither Twitter nor Whatsapp. :P

1.

I like it when I receive a direct message on Twitter. I adore the notification bird.

2. As can be seen from my wallpaper in point 1, I also adore Joseph Gordon-Levitt.


On Monday morning, I saw a Facebook post that Joe had posted and tagged Zooey in. It was weird, because I was feeling more upset about Joseph than I was feeling about Khalis. That shows the extent of my love towards Joe. Or towards Khalis, whatever that even means or doesn't mean.

I was truly distraught. I disliked the idea of Joe being with Zooey, because I love (500) Days of Summer, and I do this stupid thing where I draw parallels between my own life and fiction, which is completely delusional and delirious, but I do it anyway.

So

i) Joe and Zooey were like myself and Blob, and if they get together, Tom would be receiving his happy ending, but I wouldn't be getting mine.

or

ii) Joe and Zooey were like Khalis and myself, and K isn't the one for me, so I was adamant that Zooey wasn't the one for Tom, and they can't end up together, just can't, because she didn't deserve him.

(you will notice that in both situations, I am Tom and they are Summer hahahaha wut :P)

or

iii) Zooey just reminds me of Summer and I think she's a bitch and she's just not right for my baby Joseph anyway.

But then I sat myself down and was logical about it and reasoned that Zooey could be and probably is a nice ideal girl for Joe and she makes him happy, then I should allow him to be with her instead of moping and being miserable about it (not that I make a difference, anyhow, but allow a fangirl her delusions, can?).

And then Nurul, who is a #TVWhore after my own heart and hates the idea of Joe and Zo together, was disturbed that I was getting around to accepting their pairing.


I said that her uppermost Tweets to me seemed like she was singing a song, she said that it was like I was forcing myself on her, which I realised sounds more accurate HAHAHAHA.



I went home that night to Pizza Hut for dinner.

3. On Tuesday, I went to work and started reading Paulo Coelho's Brida.


I feel like Paulo Coelho has magical powers. He doesn't merely write so much as he sucks you in to believe that his word is truth. He writes about spiritual things in different religious/pagan perspectives, and The Alchemist took on a Muslim slant, whereas Brida is about Wiccan rituals and witchcraft.

And I swear I always think the books and stories feel real, even if they are fantasy and fiction. It's equal to JK Rowling writing Harry Potter and leading you to believe there is a Hogwarts, somewhere. But for serious. I'm not even joking.

I read Brida and I feel like the rituals work and there's magic, and there's soulmates to be found, etc etc. Brida is a more romantic spiritual book, than The Alchemist is. I think The Alchemist touches more on faith/trust.


I like this paragraph a lot! I found it so very inspiring especially since I was getting over a so-called "heartbreak", though my heart wasn't really broken, I was just getting over someone/getting closure. Love, like flowers, cannot be possessed, but can still be appreciated for what it was, frozen in time. :)

I don't associate that paragraph with any particular guy in my life, but it would apply to all of them, since I've had feelings for them and yet don't possess them. I still have very fond memories of each of them, nonetheless, and that makes it all worth it.


Anyway, Huda and I had this somewhat mirror-neurons moment, because, at the same time, we both Tweeted and offered an alternative in brackets, and you might think it isn't a big deal, but I say, rarely would you find such a Tweet in such a structure, one right after another.


Tuesday night I had nasi with sambal goreng and paru and lauk nenas, from my grandma. Despite loving sushi, and Thai food, and Korean cuisine, and pasta/pizza, and steaks or lamb chops, or Indian breads and curries, or dim sum, my favourite feel-good food is still Malay dishes. #minahatheart

That night, my mother had rummaged through some boxes to do her CNY spring-cleaning (in truth, she spring-cleans every month) and found my old awards and medals from my primary school.



BEST IN HIGHER MALAY TROLOLOLOL. I must tell Khalis, once upon a time I was also out-Malaying people. He out-Malays me all the time! Sometimes, though, I think he's cheating, like the time he said "update" is "kemaskini" in Malay, I'm pretty sure he Googled it on his phone. -.-

Anyway, the truth is though, that there were only 3 students in our cohort taking Higher Malay, one of whom was my then-best friend Dirah. She and I took it in turns to win such awards, the other boy Faiz rarely did so. HAHAHA omg #glorydays.

That night brought a feeling of nostalgia like nothing else.

4. On Wednesday morning, I woke up tired and sleepy and loath to go to work.

The good thing is, my best friends were in exactly the same moods, so we accompanied each other through Whatsapp (except Han, she's resistant and will not accept change, going against technology because she thinks it's bad, without wanting to experience the good side of it, but to each their own!).




We make fun of Filipino people and their accents, there is no denying it. We have a lot of fun doing this. One day I will film Fiq doing her impressions, she's spot-on. I should put Fiq and Khalis next to each other, and see who can out-nonsense the other! My money's on Khalis though, guys always have more nonsense.

(....Suddenly, Khalis' name reminds me of Khal Drogo, and I guess only Viv and Huds, and maybe Li-Wen if she still reads my blog, would appreciate this reference.... and okay so that's that. I wonder if anyone's ever called him Khal, probably not! I shall start, HAHA no.

Sometimes I worry that I say things nobody understands. It happens very often.)

Anyway, I had a sort-of episode at work, and it creeped me out for a while, but then like everything else, it came to an end, and life goes on.

I went cycling with Han after work, she still doesn't trust herself yet, she said she feels self-conscious and she swerves when she thinks people are looking at her. For all that I say set myself and Han apart, I think she trusts me a lot. This is something I really and truly appreciate and I try to keep that trust for as long as I can.

Sometimes I feel like her parent, pushing her to her limits to realise that she has a lot more potential than she thinks of herself, but I'm afraid of going too far, because I don't wanna break her trust. Of course, more often than not, she's my parent and keeping me in check and making sure I don't overstep certain lines.

She's as much my foil as I am hers. :)

When she got tired of cycling, we sat under my block and spent an hour pondering the great big mysteries of life like God and faith and practising it and love and finding a soulmate and recognising a soulmate for sure and couplehood and marriage, as we have done for at least 20 times in our friendship already.

Each time, we still break new ground. I will never tire of talking to my friends/the people I love. I will never tire of talking, at all. :P

5. After work, this evening was sort-of Family Day. I saw my sisters' new "humour" book, which they'd bought from a book fair at school, or somewhat. I read through a page of the "jokes", along with the accompanying "morals". All I could say was, "What. I can't even!"


My main peeve is that it had to start with "on the maid's day off" like the author seems to be taking for granted that everybody should be privileged enough to have a maid. What?



Some of them have no link, or don't even make sense!


It's written by a guy called George Ong, and he actually has a series of such books, of which my little sisters bought three. Three! One is $11, so they spent $33 on this trash!

I knew I couldn't be the only one perplexed by all of it, so I gave it to Lyssa, whose reaction was about as baffled as I felt. Srsly the entire book is filled with lame, feeble stories, with just the littlest semblance of brain work put into them.

I could write better stories. I'd give them away for free!

Fuck, this guy srsly got on my nerves. This is what local "literature" has come down to. ...I mean, if you want to do a joke book, do a joke book, you know? Don't be a wishy-washy halfway-house between being funny, and imparting morally righteous values, and failing at both!

...Forget it. I can't even.

We went to Northpoint to make Lyssa a new pair of spectacles.


Loony Luna Lovegood!


Lyssa and I got two pairs of coloured contact lenses each, fyessa!!! I chose one of the colours to match my outfit for Chinese New Year. (I am the blinder one.)


We had dinner at Swensen's. This was Lyssa's main course, barramundi. Mine was wagyu beef burger, I didn't take a photo but it was good. It was a good dinner throughout, Lyssa and I were bantering with our parents about.... sex-related things (is chocolate an aphrodisiac?).... and other things. HAHA.

We came home and I Skyped with Wonderwoman Shereen! Her room looks even better than it did before.


There are words on the left wall: "When words fail... Music speaks." SO. SHEREEN.


And she has a black-and-white poster in the background, in which only Marilyn Monroe's dress is red. And there's also a dreamcatcher...

So I was happily chatting with her for an hour, when I saw Wei-Xun Seow online on Skype. I got really flustered, and I couldn't think nor talk (I don't know why I still freeze at seeing him, I think 'cos I'm incapable of deciding whether to talk to him) so Shereen takes out this pink bottle of hair product.


...Which she'd gotten for me. And I was actually distracted because it was pink! HAHAHA GOD I LOVE HER. I also can't wait to use it. But I LOVE HER.

Shereen says "Sunshine, I can visualise your husband. He's tall... And he's very humble, but smart. But he has a quiet confidence. He knows exactly what to do, and what he wants." And hahahaha it's such a fantasy it doesn't sound like such a guy exists, but she says she'll hunt him down for me.

Aww man I love her! In return I will gladly go to Australia after she's graduated (she's now in Liverpool) and do the shades-and-snooping-around-cafes thing with her. ;P

She also came up with a line: "There is no room for panic in success." Copyright 2011: Shereen Wonderwoman Goklani

Also, during the Skype session, Khalis called and I talked to him for a few minutes! It might not seem like much to you, but that's the first we've talked since last week's awkward text messages. Did I tell you I decided he was to be my best friend? Yeah, I did. HAHA. He doesn't have much say in it.

He might as well be, what! Right? Despite all the initial (and even post-initial) awkwardness of my trying to get over him, he cares about me enough to check on me and how I'm doing and how my family is doing, how my mum is doing and how my drumming is going, and how my friends are.

I love talking to him about anything and everything, I've said before he is like the male version of Syafiqin, so yes, I will treat him like a male best friend. He's not going anywhere, hehe. Now I just have to let him be comfortable enough to trust me to tell me things, he's already said he would. Yay, I'm so glad.

Mutual trust is a nice and precious thing, I shall be very careful with it. I have a (trainee) best friend who's a Khal, HAHAHA. Okay orang tak faham. Actually, aku pun tak faham.

After my Skype session, I checked my Whatsapp and Shahida had sent me some images.


There is a World Hug Day. I am forever gonna live like it's Jan 21.


Shahida says this is for Han! Who doesn't like hugs.

I hope I get to see Shahida on Saturday/World Hug Day! She's my main hugging partner! I need to hug as many people as I can then! It will be piggy bank of hugs. I must store all the hugs I can get, and remember all the happy feelings I get from that day. :)

6. For the past two weeks, I have been emailing Huda. What I am going to show you/include, is just the tip of the iceberg (one that can never melt nor break), because we type thousands and thousands of words to each other, and I now agree with H that possibly only the two of us could wade through all the crazy that we tell each other, and add on even more crazy.

So in my last email, I had a part which was called "Re: The Last We Might (and Should) Hear of Khalis" and I meant in a romantic way of course, and you can enlarge the screencap to see what she says, Huda is hilarious and has such appropriate comments!


Do ignore point 1. That's derivative of the conversation between myself and K. I love the memeface as usual though. IT'S JUST SO APT I can't even! ;_;

That face says "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" like nothing else!


This entire point and subpoints of her email, is what I name the Document of Truth. It was just the sort of thing Han and I were babbling about after our cycling session.


She ended her email with lyrics from a song called Sara Smile; also we've both concluded if life/school was about emailing each other we'd receive distinctions/graduate summa cum laude/win 50000 points.

But anyway, also in my last email:

"And although I thought it would hurt like a bitch, like the first time round, although I thought I might have to listen to Adele all over again. I didn't. Because I know, as it was with Blob, I would be fine. Because I always am. Because I know I'm always gonna be fine. And because people (like you) always tell me I will be fine. And I figured, if I am gonna be fine someday, then why not now? What's the point of dwelling for 1.5 months waiting for time to do the trick, when I already knew the results? And so, I Was fine, and now I Am fine."

I don't know how I got around to typing that, but I must always remember this. And I hope it's useful to anybody else reading this.

This is not Huda's reply to that exact paragraph, but it has a lot of value to it (please do bear in mind, should you be a boy/guy):

"You're right though. It's always that glimmer of hope that makes you hold on. Always, always, always. I am glad he gave you a straight-enough answer. I am glad he isn't leading you on. I am bummed it didn't work out the way it should have (in my ever hopelessly-romantic eyes) but I am also beyond beyond glad that he has allowed you to let go, to give up, and to move on. I know boys don't know it but sometimes the things they say and do completely confuse girls with regards to hoping for the future, and I wish they knew where to draw the line, and actually showed us the goddamn line clearly from the very very start. I am glad you are strong enough to draw the line on your own; you are stronger than you know."

*

In any case, I think a while ago, I read on Huda's blog, that when you're in a happy mood, you should list 25 things (and more, if possible) that make you happy, and you should read it when you're down, so you remember and be thankful for the things that do make you happy. I think I wanna do it now.

1. God, for granting me life
2. Myself, for granting my own happiness
3. My family for always accepting me and talking to me
4. Love, every kind. Self-love, best friend love, love long lost, love yet to be, love is love is love
5. Hugs, because a hug makes everything better
6. Conversations with my best friends: past (ex-boyfriend/best friend), present (and forever), soon-to-be :D
7. Technology: Twitter/Whatsapp/Facebook/Skype/TweetDeck
8. Song lyrics
9. New books I haven't read, and books I've read that are my favourites
10. Words. Words upon words that I can play with, or use to express, or to evoke.
11. My blog
12. Drums and drumming
13. Movies, favourite movies with everything: storyline, characterisation, frames, soundtracks, setting, etc
14. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and photos and videos of him, and his words and thoughts
15. Grey's Anatomy
16.  The colour pink
17. Food, all sorts but most especially...
18. Eggs
19. Good dreams
20. Being satisfied with the choices I've made in life
21. Being good at something
22. Thrill rides/activities like bungy!, and conquering my fears
23. Harry Potter
24. United Kingdom (I am an Anglophile, did you know?)
25. My hair. I think my hair is an extension of myself. It's wavy/curly and so hard to tame and style, and looks terrible in a lot of photos, but it's not very common and I like its individuality hahaha.
26. Emails with Huda and catching up with all the friends I care about
27. Being a grammar Nazi
28. The number 28
29. Ice-cream, especially Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough, Maggie Moo's Smore Fun than a Campfire, Lick's seasalt caramel
30. My figure, I'm glad for my height
31. Nail polish and having my nails painted
32. Photography, not that I'm enlightened in this area
33. Freedom
34. Knowing that I'm self-sufficient...
35. ..But still depending on everyone I know for company, and providing me with perspectives
36. Visiting a new country
37. The squeaky noise made when I'm wearing my sneakers and walking on a smooth surface
38. Watches and having them to wear
39. My Blackberry (yes, iPhone users, my BB is capable of making me happy too)
40. Violins and string instruments
41. Nice clothes that flatter me, especially dresses
42. Delicious scents that can be eaten up or perfumes of guys I newly like
43. Having a physical workout and making my body fitter
44. Manchester United winning a game, or Manchester United winning everything!
45. The strength of my immune system
46. Looking good in photos
47. Looking good in real life
48. A good night's sleep/rest
49. Making someone else happy
50. This list

Labels: here's to the night, huda rockstar, khalisation, most dysfunctional family ever, musing and reminiscence, the tasty bunch, twitterrific