Sarah Lyana

ALL I NEED IS A SIGN

2012-02-12T20:22:00.003+08:00

(music: Halfway Home - Jason Mraz)

Most of you probably know I started painting my room on Wednesday.

As testament to the fact that I painted my room myself (with Fiq's help with the creative/artistic side), I had nail polish as well as paint on my nails. I went out with nails like these for two nights, tsktsk.

That night, we were supposed to meet the other Tasties for dinner near Sha's workplace at Katong but Han and Tiqs bailed so we bailed on Shah and went for sushi in town. :/

We went to Genki Sushi which has the cutest motif, it looks like an angry man, and we decided it's angry because it's a hungry man. "ME WANT SUSHI!"

It was my first time there and I was fascinated with the system and all the equipment SO ADORBZ.

The food that you order (via iPads) gets transported to each table via this cute rocket-train thing. Then you have to press the angrymanface button to send the thing back. Fiq had been there before and she knew I was getting the cheapest of thrills from pressing it so she let me have the fun.

TEEHEE SO FORMAL LIKE SMRT CHOOCHOO. Stand away from the yellow line, please!

#OMNOMNOM

The food was good but for the price we paid, I'd still prefer Itacho! ITACHO DA BOMB. The ambience is definitely more fun and friendly at Genki but OH ITACHOOOO, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FOOD.

We ordered a plate of croquettes and didn't know the exact ingredients so I bit into it and said "ada jagung" (there's corn) in the most stupidest surprised tone EVER. I was already feeling a little unwell then so my voice naturally gets lower when my nasal passages are blocked and I sounded like Patrick Starfish.

Like imagine the stupidest Patrick Starfish can sound. I sounded stupider than that. Syafiqin says it's not what I said, it's just how I said it, and we kept making fun of me, and uhhhh.... That is all. EH ADA JAGUNG.

On the train home, we saw this advertisement on the train by the governmental SDN (Social Development Network) which replaced the former SDU (probably because they heard of all the Single, Desperate and Ugly jokes).

I was very offended because WHO SAID "to get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with." WHO SAID HUH? (Actually the quote is attributed to Mark Twain, so I suppose he said it.) But WHO SAYS he's right?!

I am single and I'm perfectly happy not having a Valentine's date. BLUEK.

That is all. Clearly.

*
On Thursday, Fiq came to my place again, we lazed around eating and trying to stalk an ex-teacher (but failing) and cursing him for making himself unsearchable on the internet. And then, Fiq started on the mural.

She mixed yellow and pink paint to get peach. Round of applause to colours for being versatile and combining to make other colours! Uhhh. Okay.

She did this. It was impromptu that we decided to paint a cage around the mirror and we pondered if it could have any deep symbolism, like a mirror within a cage. The way you view yourself... isn't free? Your self-perception is controlled? ACTION JE.

We headed to Bugis for Fiq to get new tops, and I gave her a limit of 5 tops. She made the trip as fast as possible because according to her, I was like a zombie, my voice was hoarse and my nose was getting even more fucked up. (I think it's the paint. I couldn't smell it but Fiq said she loved the smell, so IDK.)

She chose 5 tops in one shop in Bugis, in under 15 minutes. Congratulations Fiq, I give you 280 points.

And then we went to Amirah's Grill at Arab Street because I felt like (more like needed to) drinking tea to clear up the nasal congestion.

We had mint tea! TEA GREATER THAN COFFEE.

We also ordered hummus and a main course. The hummus there, WOW. Fiq was right when she recommended it. You can eat the hummus with anything, it was so delicious. We have to bring Shahida there one day! (Shah loves dips and dipping everything into everything, especially tomato soup.)

We shared the main course, mushroom fish fillet.

We almost forgot and wanted to leave without having dessert, but the waitress reminded us when we were gonna pay.

French cream caramel. Nice! Worth sitting back down for.

Fiq was laughing at me about something (she always laughs at me, not with me, unless she and I are laughing at another Tasty hahahah pot calling kettle black) when she was eating her own slice.

OH she was laughing because I couldn't scoop up my second slice and it fell onto the table and I was so sad, I said I wasn't fated to eat it and Fiq laughed and then she said not to make her laugh, because her jaw was hurting or something.

Apparently her jaw hurts only if she's eating something sweet and she laughs. Apa saja merepek kebabai. Her body has a pleasure limit and she can't have her cake and eat it as well (this I quote her). HAHA PADAN MUKA LAUGH AT PEOPLE, next time I make you laugh some more.

Okay dah.

While walking back to Bugis, I missed drumming and then I had a brilliant idea. Because I am full of brilliant ideas. But this one will come to fruition. Fo' sho, yo.

My body/immune system/lungs/throat/nose was/were increasingly failing as we were going home, so I bought a six-pack....

Of air badak. I am so cool. (Also, that was a pun, because it is cooling water.) (Also, okaybye.)

I started to paint one of the yellow walls, and then Fiq texted me to sleep before 1am, so I listened to her and went to sleep.

*
Henceforth, I will be using a few stolen photos, from Tiqs, Viv and Huds, you can figure out which is which.

On Friday morning, I went to run at NUS. The heat has been crazy and I was sick so yep, I pretty much have no idea what I'm doing in life.

The weather has been so hot, I just wanna wear tank tops and shorts everywhere. But no, I don't even feel like going out. But when I'm home, I feel compelled to paint, but I'm too tired so I don't wanna stay home either. Life is just too hard. :P

Anyway, Tiqs insisted that we take photos (which should be an indication of how "often" she runs/exercises hehehe ;P) so we did.

I took this photo, I love it! Look at the angle of her ponytail. It was all intended. :P

I think Tiqs took another one when I was just starting to run, but she only posted the one of me sprinting at my final round (when she was already sitting down at the grandstands). All the awkward angles, I look like a scarecrow.

Han who is always the steadiest runner ever, which is why I pace myself after her. Don't know what I'd do without her. She has so much stamina.

Tiqs was supposed to juxtapose together the photos of all three of us running at the start (or at least posing like it) but.... takpe lah eh.

We went for lunch at YIH, then Tiqs left for home and Han and I went to central forum, where I bought a brand new book (YAY! BOOK!) for $6, six dollars, I LOVE NUS. And we got Koi milk tea too. Then I left NUS for IKEA Alexandra.

I walked around IKEA alone, remembering (500) Days of Summer, and Tom, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and..... it was fruitful! I found things to keep in view and they were rather affordable. I like IKEA. I also like shopping alone, sometimes.

I met Chloe for a short while there, and then I headed to town for dinner at Wild Honey!

Before dinner, Andrea and Viv kinda-sorta forced me to watch this disturbing video even though I didn't want to! It's such a traumatising video. HOMAIGOD. #foreverruined Bear in mind that Viv, Andrea and I are in the dirty club and not a lot of things faze us, usually. But this. This was just unexpectedly in your face.

Anyway, Viv was unadventurous and had English breakfast, which she'd had before! Andrea and I were adventurous but weren't so happy with our choices, Tunisian and Corsican. Oh well, some adventures end in... not-as-appetising meals. I wanna try Roman or New York! When I go there with Shereen and Bhavs. :)

We also had sauteed mushrooms. Because every girl loves mushrooms. If you don't like mushrooms, you are not a girl. We had earl grey tea to end off our meal, whereupon Viv said she'd thought earl grey tea would be grey. Yes, everybody, side-eye her now. -._-.

After that nice brunchy dinner, I headed to my dad and stepmum's place at Woodlands to pick up some stuff. Ioseff and Sofea are still very adorbz, very much so. :)

Headed home after that.

I was supposed to start painting this conclave, the wall behind my wardrobe, but considering I'd gone running in the morning and been to four places in one day, I gave myself a break. I was too tired to move my wardrobe, anyway.

*
Yesterday was a spectacular day and night.

I met Huda rockstar! Before that, I'd actually read her blogpost, which includes an intriguing story by her friend, (who is my namesake, just FYI in case you never noticed my name) Lyana. Please read it, I wish I could write like that. Huda wishes so too, but Hudee talks nonsense, she does write like that.

I met Huda and although I have seen photos of her on her blog, although I know her from secondary school, looking at photos and spending time with somebody are two totally different things. Huda has magnificently big eyes. They're so big and pretty. BOYS, Y U NO mesmerised by Huda's eyes?! Silly boys.

(They crinkle when she smiles though, so you need to see them when she doesn't smile. But the crinkle in her eyes when she smiles/laughs is very pretty too.)

Okay that is all. #forevercreeper

We collected our Wicked tickets at Junction 8!

And had lunch at Pasta Mania! We ate three slices of pepperoni pizza each, were full and so lamented the fact that we need (and don't have) boyfriends to finish whatever food we can't finish. ;~;

I had a honey lemon jello! It was cold, to which Han would say "shouldn't you not be drinking that? it'll make you cough!" but I couldn't resist, the weather so hot la beb. Anyway honey is soothing for the throat. And the drink is nice! I liked it very much!

AND THEN....

Wicked. It was so good. It was just spectacular, amazing, mindblowing, ozsome, fantastic, fabuloz, etc etc. Whatever positive adjective you use on it would be appropriate. The songs were so lovely and addictive!

I have a few lines in my head. They are "life's more painless for the brainless" and "nothing matters but knowing nothing matters" sung by Fiyero, and "he could be that boy / but I'm not that girl" sung by Glinda and Elphaba at different scenes.

And the dances and the costumes. I remember one particular dress Glinda wore which just glinted, there were so many diamantes, and I was like "Huda. Her dress." and she's like "I know, right?" and wow, the set was just so... complete and so detailed and so.... nice!

The drumset in the orchestra. MAKKAO. That's all I can say, okay. MAKKAO. (if you're not Malay-literate, this means your mother. not supposed to make sense.)

And the dialogue, the witty banter, the made-up lexicon of Oz, the humour, they were all perfect. It could not have been better.

All in all, it was a tremendously OZsome production, enjoyable throughout and is a must-watch. What are you waiting for if you haven't watched it?! (I know: dispensable income. Or you're not a girl.) (Many guys have said they enjoyed it too, though.) (I love brackets.) (Did you know?)

Huds and I took a photo with David Harris, who plays Fiyero. Mmmmmmm. (white male supremacist/non-feminist-Sarah talking.)

We were in a happydaze in a happycloud, all the way back and throughout the day, I think. We hugged each other before parting ways. YAY! It wasn't that awkward, even though she is very very small and I am (in comparison) very tall, hehehe.

She passed me this book, which I was going to read but.... I was already a mess by the time I called it a night, so I haven't started. I'm going to devour it soon and judging by how many tears have already been shed worldwide over this brand new book, I predict a period of eyebags. :'(

Huds made me a rainbow crane mobile. She said she was fail because she got it tangled. I am even more fail. I wanted to thread a new string through the cranes.

I didn't think of putting the thread through a needle until Fiq suggested (and judged me for it), then I couldn't get it through the needle eye, so Fiq did it for me (and judged me even more for it), and THEN after she gave me the threaded needle, I poked my finger with it. I felt her being judgmental maximus. :(

Also, after all that, I got superglue all over my hands, and clothes, and bedsheets, and floor, just trying to superglue the cranes so they wouldn't move on the string. FAIL FAIL FAIL. :'(

However, this is the end result. They're cranes, so they match the birds on my wall, and they're in a rainbow, and rainbows make me so happy, so I am very happy. Thank you, Huda. This was a very nice surprise. :)

Fiq painted more birdcages yesterday, on the far left side of my wall, and we had planned for five birds and five empty cages, but now there are only four cages and four birds and there's no more space, so she's a bit fail too. :P

(BUT of course overall, she is talented and so generous, and I OWE FIQ MAXIMUS TIME.)

While I was busy with the cranes, Fiq and I were talking about cranes, Jason Mraz's Life is Wonderful started playing on my laptop, and the line "it takes a crane to build a crane" came on. Fiq and I were literally, slo-mo turning our heads to each other and widening our eyes, like o.o to O.O hahahahaha I love her.

I told her what Aaron said about the song, that it's a Muslim song, because of the chorus, the "ah-la-la-la" part apparently sounds like "Allah" (although it's technically not pronounced that way). #foreverruined MEREPEK LA AARON. But I miss him. I miss the most merepek of people. Balls.

After Fiq left, I still did not paint the conclave area, because I am lazy and tired and sick.

I took a photo of the rollers used to paint my wall, it's like a traffic light.

Anyway, after the match (eh pegi relek Sua), which United won, Huda and I both respectively decided to watch Grey's Anatomy. And here I must tell you a little unrelated backstory before proceeding to tell you how much I HATE GREY'S ANATOMY.

I've been trying to decide which version of a quote to paint on my opposite wall (a yellow one), between "all you need is love" and "love is all you need", both of which are actually from the same song. I was telling Huda about my first-world dilemma in the day, but then I went to search for a link for Grey's, and realised the episode title was "All You Need Is Love."

#FOREVERSEEINGSIGNS

That is obviously the quote I'm gonna go with. I love that quote because of Moulin Rouge, just in case you'd like to know. Elephant Love Medley is one of my very favourite songs, though the Beatles original is enjoyable as well.

So anyway, I watched the episode (which was titled so because it was a Valentine's Day episode), and even though I'd expected some feelings after seeing Huda's reaction Tweets, I still became a right mess. It's just, I can't explain it. It's a damn good episode, but such a traumatic one for myself (and Huda).

I went berserk, okay. I really did.

I started crying because of one character, and then another one, and then a totally parallel plotline, and then I started linking something to something else, and everything reminded me of something, and how the stories were so outrightly not fair, how the person who was taken for granted died before the girlfriend could realise anything.

IT WAS JUST, SO REAL-LIFE AND TRAGIC. You have to watch it, really. It's a mess, but such a good episode. One of the best ever, one of the best-rated ever, and one of my favourites. I bet even non-Greys followers will be affected by it.

If you want to see the extent of how much of a mess I was, you may read my Tweets from last night but I will not subject the rest of you to such a thing if you don't consciously wish to see it. I cried so much, I was just sobbing and gasping and howling like a lone wolf. #dahsahgila

*
This morning, I woke up and felt the toll of two hours of psychotic fast and furious tears (after a long absence of such a session), and I felt my eyes very puffy and squinty.

I went to meet Han and Shah and Tiqs for brunch, and they unanimously agreed my eyes were extremely puffy and squinty hahahaha. Today I am a different ethnicity. :P (No but seriously speaking, the vain person in me needs a miracle solution for post-crying eyebags and puffiness. Han says God made it so that girls would restrain themselves from crying.)

We had bibimbap, and a conversation about foreigners (in particular a certain kind), and push and pull factors of migration, and rationalising hostility towards foreigners, etc. They also tried to help me work through my anger and upsetness.

Then we went to this candy cart, and got quaint-flavoured chocolates.

This is ice-cream sundae. It is extremely sweet.

This photo was obviously stolen, I don't do effects.

We saw these heart-shaped girls, and we talked to them. The poor girls were feeling really hot and stuffy standing in the sun in their costumes, which is a duh! We were feeling damn hot even without the extra layers and weight! D:

They said they're being paid good money though so, good for them!

We each hugged the girls for "$40". Hanisah hugged the heart-girls too. That girl, she has no principles! She compromised her no-hugging rule just for "money"! TSKTSK. :P

We went to *Scape for a while, where I got a keyring-holder which matches the rest of my room!

It is a sparrow, in a wooden house!

Tweet, tweet! My room is full of birds, now. Don't know why. Didn't even intend it to be so. I just liked Fiq's idea of birdcages and went with it. Maybe Twitter has made an impact on me.

WATCH THE GREYS EPISODEOKGOodbyeeeeeee. (I want to own all the DVD seasons of Grey's. I will work towards it.)

FIGHTING OIL WITH OIL

2012-02-11T14:50:00.091+08:00

No matter what magazine or online articles you read, which Youtube makeup tutorial artist you follow, the one thing everybody agrees on is that having clean, smooth skin is the most important step to looking good. It is less to do with vanity than with professionalism.

Clear skin is a simple but sure way of being presentable. Regardless of gender, people who have clearer skin are generally regarded as those with discipline, who put in the time and effort to maintain their nice complexion. Rare are those blessed with naturally good skin, who never have breakouts and such.

I have had my fair share of skin troubles. My main problem are the never-ending whiteheads and blackheads on my forehead, nose and cheek areas.

Every time I get a facial, the... (what do I call the person who gives me a facial, facialist? facist? ...beautician?) beautician toils over my many clogged pores, and painstakingly removes all those disgusting little oily blackheads, and "tsktsks" me for not bothering to remove them myself.

Occasionally, I also get pimples on my cheeks and it becomes red and raw and swollen. As pictured above, I currently have such an offensive pimple on my left cheek, along with the many other blackheads which are making my face as "smooth" as a tarmac road. :(

Once upon a time, I decided I'd had it with the blackheads and pimples, and I decided to go "revolutionary hippie". I told myself, I've had enough of facial washes and scrubs, I'm going to neutralise my skin, and let it return to its natural pH balance.

So... for weeks, I didn't wash my face, did not use any sort of facial products like toner or moisturiser or night creams, or anything. I thought, if my face gets oily enough, then it will realise that it is over-oily and stop producing oil, and then dry itself up.

....That was my worst-ever idea of solving skin problems, because it never cleared up! Obviously! Because I went out everyday to harsh conditions and dirty environments and didn't even wash my face properly at night! It just got oilier and oilier and you guessed it, oilier. More blackheads, more pimples. BLUEK. :S

Thus... The ancient proverb of fighting fire with fire (or is it poison with poison?) does not work with oil. Oil just builds up forever, and there is no "natural" neutralisation of it, and it just loves to clog up your pores and culminate in pimples and blackheads, until you take an active stand against it.

If you're experiencing the same thing, then please don't ever choose to battle it the way I did. -.-

Instead, you can try out TDF's AHA facial wash sample for yourself!

Just click on the image above for the Facebook page and you can receive a free sample!

Therapeutic Dermatologic Formula (TDF) is a skincare range from a USA brand Ocean Health. It is among the leading brands of dermatologist- and aesthetic physician- prescribed skincare, which offers a wide range of products that are superior in quality and efficacy, delivering visible results!

Clickety-click! Let's all battle oil for good, clear, smooth skin to conquer! :D

1095 DAYS LATER

2012-02-09T15:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday while clearing out the chaos that is my room, for repainting, I found an old diary which I used for a tiny bit of schoolwork and a lot of dream-jotting. The funny thing is I opened it at the page where the date was 9 Feb, I checked today's date and realised with a jolt, that that was 3 years ago.

I don't remember if I've uploaded or blogged about these before, I somehow feel I have. Can anyone corroborate? I can't find the entry though, if I have. (Click to enlarge and read, if you want reading material!)

The good thing is, I don't remember most of it. All that happened 3 years ago. That's a good sign. They were happy, funny and nice things, and I have memories noted down, but they're not ever-present in my mind. Life is alright.

I have things to blog about (mostly about Fiq and sushi hahahaha two things I love in life) but not right now, because I am busy with painting my room. Fiq is currently drawing/painting a mural on one of my walls.

I have been living, breathing, eating, sleeping, waking, dreaming paint. It is very tiring work to paint. I don't know how people do it but I like this feeling of tiredness and soreness. My body feels like it's doing something. -.-

Running with Tiqs and maybe Han at NUS tomorrow morning.

OH!

Fiq brought over her rainbow cupcakes! HAPPY #OMNOMNOM. This is for Huda and her red velvet cupcakes. (3!!!! I still jelly.)

Hehe.

(500) days of paint.

ASK NOT WHY, BUT WHY NOT?

2012-02-07T00:44:00.002+08:00

(music: Somebody That I Used to Know/Creep/Lonely - whoever/whatever)

On Friday night, there was a HTM alumni "lo hei" session but I'd missed the RSVP deadline so I didn't go.

However Viv Whatsapped me a voice clip, which was like this:

"Gong Xi Fa Cai Sarah... Uh this is Pras.. Sarah Lyana.. Gong Xi Fa Cai" and I think I mind-jizzed from it.

AS IF HE NEEDED TO INTRODUCE HIMSELF, I CAN RECOGNISE HIS VOICE FROM A WHISPER. EVEN IF HE LOST HIS VOICE. SORE THROAT. DOESN'T MATTER.

In any case, I'm not uploading the clip because I am selfish like that. Apparently he was a hot favourite that night (as he always is), and students were queuing to take photos with him. But I am the only one with a voice clip from him, SUCK IT BITCHEZZ!

Oh my God. Mr Pras, I really miss him. He's such a sweet, caring, nice, funny, adorable, handsome, charming teacher. Everybody knows he has this thing about knowing everybody's full name, like as in Sarah Mei Lyana Marully Uhum, etc. He's so personal (personable? ape-ape la) and I adore him forever.

Most of us suspect he's gay though. That's the only way he could exist. Otherwise he's so perfect, he must be a unicorn. Not that being gay means he's imperfect, he's just imperfect for me. Or something. I don't even know what I'm saying la, I just have his happy voice in my phone, okay?

It's the first item in the media library 'cos the file name is "??" LOL.

I was jealous because Kok Sheng was also there! HAHAHA Kok Kok my first ever crush in TP, whom I danced with for orientation. My life is amazing. I love my friends. Legit love. Catch a grenade for them kind of love. Only not really. I'm lying. I'm such a liar. But I do love them.

Apparently Viv and Reen collaborated for the Pras voice-clip. MAD UNDYING BIG CATCH A GRENADE LOVE. ♥ ♥ ♥

*
On Saturday I woke up at 5am because I had to be somewhere at 6.45am. I received news which made me very happy, but I will blog about that later in this post.

Thanks to Mike, I got a half-day job working as crew for Channel 5's First XI/11. I took forever to figure out why 11, because there are 11 players on the first team. At least I didn't make the mistake some announcer did, he was on camera and he said "first X1" as in axe-one!

First of all, if you're talking Roman numerals, then he should've said X-I not 1. Secondly, who pronounces Roman numerals like that?! HOW COULD HE HAVE BEEN THE ANNOUNCER. APER JE. Buat malu masyarakat.

We saw this sign, it said handicap viewing. Mike said when he first saw it, he thought of it as a corner for handicaps to be where people viewed them. Like bird-viewing. Unfortunately I must admit I had the same thought, because I have a guy's mind and I am just lame that way.

Haikal and Mike kept making fun of me and my Tweeting but I didn't need their validation, them and their INSTAGRAMS.

I was paired with this guy called.... Fuck I don't remember his name, it's no wonder people never remember me/my name, I am horrible and incorrigible. What was his name.... JASPER. It was a Chinese guy called Jasper.

Anyway, he was asked to pump the soccer balls, and I just observed him doing it. It looked very obscene and suggestive. Dyou know how the ball is pumped? It's just this short black stick which you have to jerk up and down to fill the ball with air. That is all.

I was at the agility station with Jasper, where he kept getting distracted by the bleep test (which, admittedly, was more interesting) behind us and I was the only one jotting down the contestants' times etc. at our station.

As I'd predicted earlier that day, at least 70% of the people I saw that day were Malay guys. Short, tall, fat, thin, cute, boyish, really hot, really Mat, etc. It was Malay boys galore!

There was one incident, an Indian guy was dribbling the ball through the agility course, but he wasn't making good time, so I have no idea if he intentionally or otherwise, fell and looked very dramatic about it, clutching at his leg and all. It looked just like one of the fake injuries footballers do to get extra time.

So I looked away from the fallen dude, to hide my smirk and my eye-rolling, when this other guy in the queue said, "eh jangan ketawa ah! tak baik!" (don't laugh ah, not nice!) but the rest of them were laughing too. -.-

The bleep test station. Looked way cooler and more intensive than the agility.

There were a few cameras that were flying around on helicopter-thingies.

Also, Jean Danker and Gurmit Singh were there as hosts. I have no idea how Jean could have looked so put-together in her outfit and heels on the field in the afternoon heat. I was wearing a white "CREW" (don't know why I capitalised that, probably 'cos I'm proud to have been part of a Ch 5 crew, LOL??) T-shirt, and sneakers.

I left at lunchtime to watch my juniors in interpolys at Singapore Poly.

I'd brought a few of my nail polishes for Bhavs, and Ray was her manicurist. Apparently Ray has found his true calling in life. Anyway, they all were very fascinated looking at my nails changing colour when my body turns warm/cold. They made me hold a freezing can of Coke just to cool down my nails.

You know Bhavs is so cute, I was gonna take a photo of her nails, and she smiled like her face was gonna be in it, hahahahaha. Babo!

Bhavs pagal hai.

Perfunctory photo of Freya debating. They did alright, broke to the semis on Sunday. Then we left.

*
Yesterday, I went back to Singapore Poly to watch the finals. I walked from Dover MRT to the side gate of SP where we'd exited from on Saturday, to find that it was closed on Sundays. I was too lazy to walk back down the road to the main entrance at the MRT exit, so...

I climbed through some pond and rock feature (shaded by some low overhanging trees). I got a couple of scrapes 'cos I wore a skirt, but otherwise I saved myself the 10 minutes of doubling back. I am a ninja. Also, I hope nobody of authority reads this so I don't get blacklisted at SP or something.

Actually I went for a free lunch before work, the debates were just a pretext. :P

SP hired a caterer called Stamford, and the spread was really good. The best thing is, Stamford has lots of varieties of cuisines and packages, and it's all Halal-certified. Okay so why I am advertising for them, I don't really know. I just think good caterers are hard to find.

The motion for the finals was THW make national service optional for both men and women.

Freya made a solid case speech as prime minister and in fact the entire TP team were solid. We were all banking on them to win, even our coach Aji (whose approval is very difficult to gain), but the motion fell, meaning NYP A as opposition had won the finals and the tournament.

Freya won the best speaker of the finals for the second time though. I have more to say about the finals debate, but I shall leave that to the end of this post so I don't bore the hell out of the rest of you.

Last night, Huds and I were booking our tickets for Wicked, and simultaneously cursing at Man U.

I love Huda, I do. :)

After all our blogposts and blog comments, and countless Minah Tweets, and a few Whatsapps, and text messages, and errthang! We are meeting each other this Saturday! But I have no expectations except of us being #awkwardturtles. I will not have expectations > reality like Tom did. Kan, Huda, kan?

*
Remember I said I received happy news on Saturday morning?

I'd won the first prize for this entry, so I went to collect my prize from the Nuffnang office today!

I was late by half an hour, and I'd walked out the wrong exit of the MRT so I had to walk all the way back down to the concourse, when I saw three familiar faces, but decided to keep to myself just in case I was wrong.

One of them recognised me, they were Nuffnang staff walking from the office to get lunch, and said "Sarah, right?" and they called up the office for Lydia and Cheryl (I THINK?) to pass me the stuff. Oh thank goodness that lady had good memory, I love them all forever, so sweet. ♥

(Also I'm terribly sorry for not remembering anyone's names from Nuffnang, I should really get more acquainted with them, after all they've done to accommodate us bloggers.)

Everything was packed in a JPB lolly bag!

First prize... Motorola Xoom! This is the second gadget I've won from Nuffnang, the other is the pink Vaio netbook I'm typing on this very moment.

:) :) :)

(Edit: I came home and checked it out a bit with my mum.

We now have an iPad2 and the Xoom in the household, and Xoom's back camera owns the iPad's, although I'm well-aware nobody cares to use the camera of the iPad. Xoom is 5 megapixels, which means if your camera and then your phone dies on you, you still have one more gadget to use for photos! This actually happens to me quite often.

Also, hi dik, Mum says if you want the Xoom, you may have it.)

Within this envelope lie some sweet treats...

JPB lolly sticker and keychain! :)

And a pen which also has..

A torch! Shining the lolly! Hehe so cute!

Sweetest of all..... $100 to spend, baby! Mwehehehehe. \o/ I'll give you one guess as to why I didn't blur the code on the voucher. HAHAHAH maximum efficiency when it comes to spending, that's me!

So it's been an alright afternoon, shopping online while at my part-time job. Shikin came by just now, and gave me two hugs! :D

And then..... I went to the ATM to make some transactions but it seemed my card was faulty. I went to the DBS branch to get it checked, and the staff replaced it for me.

I now have a black DBS debit card, and am a VISA user instead of MasterCard. None of that matters to me though (even the fact that the black is so much sleeker and cooler than the blue), what matters is that.... WITH A NEW CARD, COMES A NEW PIN NUMBER.

I've been haunted by my pin forever, because it incorporates (or used to) digits from the birthday of the boy who has not been speaking to me, and I've always berated myself for being unwise enough to include it in my pin knowing fully well he and I would not last.

TODAY I GOT TO CHANGE IT, AND I HADN'T EVEN EXPECTED IT. DYOU UNDERSTAND THE FEELING OF LIGHTNESS IT BRINGS ME?

It's a surprise like no other. There is one less tangle of him in my heart, one less reminder that I don't even consciously realise everytime I'm at the ATM, but subconsciously suffer every time, one less mess, just one less. Literally though, the digit has gone up by one more from his birthday to my own HAHAHA.

(His birthday is 10/04/89, mine is 11/05/90, an increase of one in each column - always found it cool but oh well, a lot of things are cool.)

I might as well tell you my pin now. -.-

Anyway, the next three photos are not really related to anything, except that I realised Irene has received her gift so I might as well blog about mine now. I was refraining because Bhavs had gotten all of us the same things but personalised!

She got us a pen each, with our names carved in. It's so beautiful. I love it. And it writes in black ink! I love black ink! :)

(No really, I throw a bitch fit if you make me write in blue ink for important stuff.)

This seems appropriate JUST BECAUSE. Li-wen did this for the TVWhores during Christmas, it's all our idols (we prefer spouses). HAHAHA SO CUTE. I am very biased, but JGL is the best-looking guy. He makes me melt.

*
I've listened to so many renditions of Somebody That I Used To Know, and apparently you can't go wrong with this song. I am just waiting for Joseph to cover it. I am serious. I can imagine him doing it. Then again, I imagine him doing anything.

This is Ingrid Michaelson who, in the eyes of many of my friends, can never go wrong. The fact that she's playing all the instruments is really cool too.

I really like this cover, truly like it. Their vocals are so nice, the harmonisation etc. The enunciation is a bit off though, probably since neither of them speaks English as a native language.

Watching the video though, the one on the left (Max) moving his fingers between D minor (I think?) and C, at least during the verses, reminds me of the time Khalis talked about indie singers being lazy and composing songs with just two chords.

I'm inspired by Khalis, he's one of the people I can listen to talk all day. He can talk about music as a conversational topic or like meal fodder, which makes it so interesting and fun. I'm useless at music theory, but listening to him makes me wanna know more.

Kdah habis.

This boy, I would marry him. For his voice. And maybe his hoodie. I love hoodies. I would get married in a hoodie. My husband can wear a hoodie if he would like too, it would be perfect but I wouldn't compel him to.

I think hoodies are for my loner side. For times when I just want to be left alone, the times I wanna watch a movie alone (I've done this three times before), shop alone, eat alone, read a book alone. It's when I wanna be by myself, and I can pull up my hood so no one disturbs me.

Also, I think Kenny looks really cute in a hoodie, but I doubt I'll ever get an orange one. Like Clementine in Eternal Sunshine, she can pull it off.

This is just because I'm a creep. I don't even know why I did this. My voice is so nasal/sengau nak mampos hahaha. ....Whatevs. Dah jangan layan, aku dah gila.

Zahidah Tweeted about this, and this is like another Somebody That I Used to Know. They have so many versions on Youtube, I haven't heard a rendition I don't like. This one is special though, the feel is so different, I don't even feel like it's a sad song about loneliness when I listen to it!

(Also, I think there's rimming in the video. ...That is all. Astaga my one-track mind. I need more tracks and paths. -.-)

*
Thus begins talk of the finals debate. You may stop reading now, unless you are a debater or can handle my rambling on for no reason whatsoever.

As I said, Freya made a solid case as PM. And the stance coming from opposition was weak, they wanted status quo and made a stance of patriotism and social cohesion, but never tackled the question of why only mandatory male conscription, and not females.

The TP team kept attacking them asking if social cohesion was the case, why females are equally bonded with each other, and whether the opposition team was saying that females don't feel patriotic or a sense of identity with Singapore just because we don't serve NS.

Etc etc, and I swear the TP team's performance was consistent and solid, and a big part of the lecture theatre agreed with our team. The funny thing is, the adjudicators (there were 5 in the panel) had a 4-1 split, meaning 4 of them thought the debate went to the opposition, who are NYP.

I don't know, looking at the 5 adjudicators, they were all Indian, 2 guys and 3 girls. I'm not saying anything against them or whatever, but from experience, who knows if they're local or Indian nationals. There are a lot of debaters who are not local.

Who knows if they have to serve NS, if they know how most of the local male population actually really feel about NS and what they'd say if they could skip the 2 years of mandatory national service.

But that's not the point itself. The point is, there are a lot of factors in debating and winning a debate. A lot of it doesn't even happen in the debate itself. Sometimes people understand some debaters better than others, because of the affinity and bonds they share, and the sheer amount of time spent with one another.

You've had so many conversations before, that even without things being stated explicitly during the debate, you know what a squadmate is trying to say. You've heard it all before, heard the tangent, heard the explanation, heard them actually spending all the time in the world expanding everything.

Then when it comes to the debate, maybe even if they don't explain every single point, you know the entire bulk of it, you know what that person is capable of thinking and saying, what they can expound upon, and maybe everything you know about that particular debater has already coloured your mindset.

That's why I think debating is much easier than adjudicating. Trying to convince somebody of something is actually the easiest job, trying to convince somebody why you're not convinced is not.

I never liked being an adj, I mean on the one hand you get a clearer view of every debate, and you get to experience all sorts of viewpoints as the person on the outside. On the other hand, no matter who you give the win to, most of the time, you won't be able to convince the losing team(s) why you gave them the loss.

There's always gonna be talk of bias, affinities between institutions and squads, blah blah blah. And it gets so sad, because everybody has a different viewpoint, and the person whose viewpoint you don't share will hold it against you, like it's your fault you don't see eye to eye with them. It's never theirs, the debater's.

Ah well. I don't know what I'm saying. I miss it all though, the whole debating circuit, which is why I'm probably gonna debate (not adj!) with my juniors in MDO in March. :)

*
I wanna read The Unbearable Lightness of Being. That is all. Happythankyoumoreplease!

GIRLS BRING THE GIRLS OUT!

2012-02-02T17:41:00.001+08:00

(music: The Boys Remix - Girls Generation)

On Tuesday, I had plans to have lunch with Shahida at Sunshine Plaza, 'cos I'd thought of printing my animal posters for my room, but then I shelved it till supposedly next Tuesday. On the way to meet her, I saw a very tempting offer on Facebook.

Spend $58 at The Cathay, show your student pass and receipt and receive tickets to Spring Awakening, AND a pack of The Hunger Games playing cards!

Shahida found it as appealing as I did (more for the free tickets) so after lunch, we went to shop at The Cathay, despite both of us running late for work, hehheh.

We saw this really cool guitar-shaped CD player, which would be such a fucking nice decorative piece in my room, but I was too scared to look at the price tag (it's in quite a pricey store).

And then I brought Shah to one of my favourite stores at The Cathay, Totally Hot Stuff.

Saw this shoe wheel, which would be so freaking perfect. It's so convenient, and so functional, and I don't have to look for my shoes in the storeroom ever again. Currently my shoes are all under my bed which, as Syafiqin witnessed yesterday, are messy and dusty.

The display piece was pink, which made it even more enticing! But it's $116. Sigh. :(

In any case, the funny thing is, just now my parents came back home with lunch for me, so I was eagerly sitting down to eat, and my mum asked "who's here?" and I'm like, "who's here?" and she said, "how come?" and I say, "huh??" and I'm thinking "what even is going on?"

So apparently my parents had seen a pair of slippers outside our house door, and thought that I had a friend over at our house, but we realised someone had taken a pair of my slippers and left their own, so yep, my slippers are now gone. LOLOL.

With the shoe wheel, I never have to leave anything outside! It would look so pretty in my rooooom! WAE, shoe wheel, wae you so expensive?

I wonder if Khalis would be able to make this. HAHAHA a'ah Sarah pakai lah kawan kau, pakai (this I quote from Khalis himself)! Okay no I shall just "use" him for the noticeboard installation. :P

In any caaase, Shah and I spent about $30 each at Totally Hot Stuff, to make up our halves of the $58 for the tickets.

I got a clock for my room! It's so cute! It'll be on my pastel yellow wall.

It was $20. I like the cute tongue-in-cheek slogans on the packaging of the stuff. "Look at every three seconds." HAHA I'm pretty sure I won't look at my clock so often.

I also got a book for $13.90. I was supposed to make it last till I got John Green's books from Huda, but I finished it in 5 hours 'cos it's such an easy read. I think despite her self-deprecating (or otherwise) hilarious humour, there's a lot to be learnt in this book about parenting. I shall read it again if/when I ever raise my own kids.

Shah got a camera with effects. ($28)

And a cute little bow clip.

That shop is really filled with the best of all kinds of stuff. It has books, and nice dresses, and decorative pieces, and cameras and bags, and basically totally hot stuff! :D

THEN... We collected our merch/tickets!

The Hunger Games: May the odds be ever in your favor.

FUCK YEAHHHHH \o/ I cannot wait for the movie, the book was so awesome. I remember trying to explain it to Atiqah to get her to read it, but I couldn't really make sense of it, because I was going all over the place, comparing it to governments and manipulation, philosophy etc.

From my debates days, there was this saying that "if you can't explain it in simple enough terms, it means you haven't really understood it" and that's how freaking brilliant the book is, there's so many layers going on, so many themes.

The playing cards are normal, except they're rounded. I was expecting something cooler, like since each suit in a deck has 13 cards (Ace to King), and there are 13 districts in The Hunger Games, I thought they'd use a tribute from each district for the face/character of each card.

And Katniss could be the Ace, Peeta the King, etc. But then again there are technically 26 tributes since there's a male and female from each district, so it wouldn't fit, Katniss and Peeta are essentially from the same district. So.... I guess there was no way.

Let the Games begin! :D

Also.....

Complimentary tickets to Spring Awakening!

I hope I get a photo with Adrian Pang. I remember the last time Shah, Han and I tried to get me a photo with him after Much Ado About Nothing (where he bared all, hehehe) but we missed him. Regardless! YAY! Free tickets to another great production! February looks set to be fantastic.

I say another because I have wicked plans with one of my favourite people. ;)

Tuesday was a tremendously awesome day, what with ninjahugs for and from Shahida! (what was that? did that happen?) Happythankyoumoreplease!

*
Yesterday, I woke up to some very happy news, and then Fiq came over to our house, to help with my roomover.

We decided on the colours to paint my walls, and chose the mural/stencil, my two youngest sisters contributing their own chaos all the while, and Fiq and I laughing at the ridiculousness of them. I quote Fiq: "adik kau dua-dua gila" HAHA actually tiga/empat/semua gila.

Apparently there is an issue with my animal posters, because the individual images are of low quality so if I blow the thing up and print it poster-size, some of it will turn out pixellated and fuzzy.

I veh sad. See how cute the images are. :( I don't know what to do now, I'm very lazy to search for more cute animal photos of better resolution. Wae is printing such a hassle?

When we were done settling the paint choices, I left for dinner with Reen, Zakiah and Hisham at Simpang Bedok.

Zakiah and I both asked for nasi goreng daging thai basil tambah pedas and they literally wrote on a piece of paper +PEDAS (added spiciness) and put on our plates wow okay. It was good, though, spicy and tasty.

We covered all sorts of topics in our conversation: our future plans, religion and relationships, hobbies and baking, governments and whacked people like the Obedient Wives' Club, entertainment: Oprah/Ellen/Tyra/Maury, Ombak Rindu (where Reen quoted a line) etc. Of course there was a bit of gossip.

Anyway, the three of them were doing some exaggerated hand gestures, like open arms and Spider-man fingers, "yo-yo!"-ing to talk about Hisham's rapping, and then I was choking from laughter on a grain of rice, and so I was coughing violently into a cupped hand, when Hisham said I was beatboxing along.

WTF it did not help my choking/coughing at all. -.-

Reen had baked us a brownie just before leaving home, so it was still warm and so delicious!

Then Reen, ever so sweet!, brought out gifts for each of us.

SUKA EH DIA. Shammie (he gave himself this name) and Fany! LOL, he told us some of his dreams where the SNSD members were making moves on him.

I got Hello Kitty tongue tattoos! So amazingly cool/cute! No idea when I'll use them, but it's awesome, nonetheless. Reminds me of Evona and her Hello Kitty obsession (can it be called that? hmm).

Also got this!!!!!

Apparently the colour will "change" between darker and lighter, according to my mood. I can't wait to use this nail polish! I'll definitely snap photos if it switches shades! :D

I'm thankful to the three of them for a great evening! Especially to Reen for baking for us, and the gifts. ♥ (I hope your shoes finally fit comfortably!)

On the way home, I got really angry at something but as I recently read on Zahidah's blog, if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all. I guess I may not be able to do this forever, but I'll try to refrain from blogging such things for as long as I can. It's time to email Huda!

*

Oh gee
We make you so hot
Girls Generation We won't stop

This is my favourite version because Sooyoung's hair/legs/face/sensual dancing/everything gets featured more. Hyoyeon also gets slightly more spotlight in the choreography. But Sooyoooooung is forever ♥ she's so sweet in an adorable way!

#happythankyoumoreplease February!

"LUMOS."

2012-01-30T05:02:00.003+08:00

(music: Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Ke$ha)

Han and I went for a very productive running session on Thursday night, afterwhich we walked back to Yishun from Khatib stadium. The more we walk, the more we talk. I love talking to her while we are walking, I feel like the subjects of our conversation are constantly left behind.

We were in a gung-ho mood this week, so we ran again on Friday morning, this time at NUS. The NUS SRC/track is my favourite place in NUS, there's a view I named highway to heaven. I like the trees there, and everything. One day I'll post a photo. Maybe after this Friday's session.

I also like hanging upside down from the parallel bars, which I suppose are meant for gymnastics but all I do is hang upside down by the back of my knees and let the blood rush to my head like I'm on a rollercoaster. So far I haven't fallen down, but my bedframe is conveniently made of wood.

We went to U-Town for lunch. I thought of meeting Aaron (since I know his hall residence is there), but here's to hoping I get the courage the next time. It is almost an actual physical obstacle, how I find myself blocked from initiating conversations with people, especially if I haven't seen them for a long time.

Han brought me to Hwang's, where the Korean ladies are the epitome of kewtness and cheeriness.

We shared bap with beef and chicken, and dokbokki. It was alright, I don't think the dokbokki was spicy but one day the Tasties are gonna try the authentic rice cakes together in Korea. ;)

There was also kimbap sold there, which reminded me of Khalis saying that his Korean friends *ahem* had made some for them, and he liked the kimbap, and then I realised Khalis doesn't like sushi. Kimbap is rice rolled around ingredients, which to me, is extremely reminiscent of sushi.

Imma have to try it the next time and see if there's any noticeable difference in taste. If there isn't, then K is selenger.

We went to Central Forum afterwards because I thought there'd still be a book sale and I neeeeed new books to read but I found out it had ended (afterwhich Kel also Tweeted me to say there were no more, aw ♥) so I left for work.

*
Yesterday, as in Saturday, I made brunch for the family.

I found this in the freezer.

It's supposed to be heated up in the box!

This is the product.

I fried sausages, toasted bread, heated baked beans and scrambled heaps of eggs.

Looking at this photo, I am reminded of Blob's 20th birthday, when I planned a picnic at Botanic Gardens for him, with the other debaters, and then we went for a karaoke session, 'cos he'd never been and he wanted to, and then I brought him alone to the beach, where there were candles arranged for him, by Shahida and Hanisah, no less.

Go on, this is the post, I've made it easier for you. (If you think this is about you, then let me first extend my friendship to you. I don't like to be in anyone's bad books, so if you are willing to be friends, then I will be yours. I mean, only if you want to.)

Anyway, I'm reminded of all that, because I made scrambled eggs, and I remember Blob liked more pepper in his eggs. That is all.

I left home with my family in the early afternoon, and we went past this place:

Sunshine Terrace, and my baby sister (I think Lyssa will always be my baby sister because she's six years younger than I am, and when she was a baby/toddler, I was gradually becoming aware of my surroundings and experiences) snapped a photo for me.

And then we saw this pink car right behind ours!

I blurred out the number plate, IDK why. Just in case.

Anyway, Sunshine Terrace + pink car = makings of the start of happyday!

We were driving into JB, and at the Singapore customs, Lyssa and I were bored so we took a look at the motorcyclists in the next lane and tried to pick out eligible guys but there were none. So we moved on to police officers.

There was a police officer who had so much gel in his hair and styled it into such sharp points, that I said "eh policeman ni tak boleh oi. Rambut dia terlalu spiky. Aku rasa aku letak tangan boleh berdarah" (if I touch his hair, I think my hand will bleed).

I think there's something in JB air, because as we were going across the causeway, waiting for the Malaysian customs, Lyssa and I were going batshit crazy making caustic remarks about the cars and drivers in the lanes around ours.

First photo I took at the Malayland! IDEK what the "bit" is supposed to mean.

THIS. Lyssa says this goes to "what even" hell. We created a "what even" hell for things that are just WHAT EVEN?! that you can't say anything else. The slogan on this billboard (sic): "mouth reveal age but not face" WHAT EVEN is that supposed to mean?! Straight to "what even" hell.

In any case, you should know one of my favourite overseas activities is laughing at English errors. To be fair, I laugh at all my stupid Malay errors too, Zahidah was teaching me how to use "ku" in sentences, that it isn't an imbuhan. Congratulations on your life, self.

We went to Old Town for a bit of a dinner, even though we'd eaten some of my mum's fried rice in the car. I had French toast. I eat anything with egg. Wait I take that back. I don't eat any thing with egg. Lord knows what people would dare me to eat if I'd actually said that.

After dinner, we reached the destination for our intended activity.....

FIREWORKS! (Sorry, jakun Singaporean here.)

"Shoots flaming balls" yo. Balls of fire.

We had lots of fun watching and playing with fireworks, big and small, loud and quiet. The grandmas were such badasses! They weren't fearful of lighting/going near the fireworks at all, I think kampung life has made them fearless ninjas!!!!!!!

In contrast, my mum, sisters and I were being pussies about it, before we warmed up. (Geddit? Warm up to fireworks? Okay diam.)

It really struck me as amazing, that something so rare in Singapore, fireworks that we only get to view on special occasions like National Day and New Year's, can be done ourselves in Malaysia. I felt so grateful to be Singaporean, like I have the safety of Singapore but whenever I wanna take a risk, Malaysia boleh!

Playing with small sparklers like the wusses that we are.

My uncle was being quite a joker!

Mum levitating a ball of fire.

Teehee her face!

"Lumos," said my mum.

And her wand lit up.

I really enjoyed the fireworks and appreciated the symbol of such an activity to the Chinese family (with whom we were cordially invited to play fireworks), the fact that such light and loud noises scare away bad things and evil and things you fear.

It would be a nice 2012 if I could face my fears and chase them away.

We went into the house/office (oh, Malaysian properties) and saw a fire extinguisher and I was kidding with Lyssa about how to be a killjoy. Every time someone lights up a firework, bring the fire extinguisher to it and extinguish the flame, citing "fire hazard" LOLOL fucking trolling!

In any case, yesterday, as with the few times I've seen fireworks in the past two years, I was reminded of one of my bros (as in "brudder" although I do have two actual brothers).

I don't know if it's because he served as a firefighter during his NS, or because during the curtain call of his dance performance, Katy Perry's song Firework kept repeating over and over (yes I know, my brain recalls and links the weirdest things), but fireworks remind me of him. K, that is all.

Pop pop! reminds me of Magnitude and Leonard in Community. Pop, pop! *blows raspberry* Pop, pop! *blows raspberry* ridiculous!

Hennyways, I was checking the photos in my BB yesterday when it hung on Lyssa's aegyo photo.

This is the guilty one. I had to reboot my BB 'cos it was just not responding, otherwise. -.-

When I got back to Singapore, I received a Whatsapp from Shahida, with this image.

She said she'd tried to make it more pink especially for me! It put such a smile on my face, from our original image, to the hearts, to my crown and her cat ears. So adorable, this girl! She's my special kitty, for hugzzzzz. ♥

I went to sleep feeling very happy and thankful.

*
Today, I met up with the guai-kias. While waiting for Tim, Andrea and I got ice-cream while the rest got drinks.

We went to Azabu Sabo, as a compensation for the time Andrea went to the Clarke Quay one and got terrible (or non-existent) service!

Choco chip!

I had salt caramel and macadamia nut chocolate. I like that their ice-cream is so even and smooth.

We went to A&F after that. It was the first time for all of us, I think! The hot-bodied top-naked dudes, the lighting that resembles a clubbing scene, the chambers overwhelming with their A&F perfume! It was quite a cool first, but aside from the gimmicks (or precisely because of), we were too distracted to actually pay attention to the clothes.

I think that's the whole idea of A&F. Distract, distract, distract so people don't realise how much money they're paying for clothes they could get in better-lit stores elsewhere!

We went to Wild Honey, which serves all-day breakfast!

The happy birthday girl taking Instaxes of us. :)

Sugar cubes. Pearl and I were each sucking on a cube of cane sugar, unfortunately I could not display the full extent of my obscene prowess because Pearl is as clean as I am dirty. :P

After some minor interrogation on our individual lives, the food arrived!

Tim and his Scandinavian breakfast, salmon with hollandaise sauce!

Mine was Santa Fe breakfast, which tasted like a slightly spicy ful medames, or kacang pool! We all found it nice, albeit spicy for a breakfast meal. (We were eating at 7pm though, no matter.)

Pearl and her English breakfast with poached eggs.

Andrea and her English breakfast with scrambled eggs.

Happy Cuifen with her Californian breakfast, omelette with.... tofu, goat's cheese, jalapeno pepper? etc. It was vegetarian, served on brioche, and looked and tasted good!

They had quite a few vegetarian options there.

Tim gave me his tomato. We are a good best friend partnership because I give him the potatoes (not my favourite food) and he lets me have all his vegetables. Win-win! :D

The food was all yummy and filling, this is Pearl adjusting her belt, hehehe!

We took Instaxes 6 times, one for each of us.

Naturally, I took the pink one!

We really liked our waitress, Faith, that we asked to take a photo with her. She was suspicious that we were "mystery shoppers" hahaha.

She was so nice, when we were first seated, we enquired as to the portions of the food, whether big or small. And every breakfast set she served to another table, she'd bring it to us and tell us which dish it was. So sweet!

After our breakfast-dinner, we went to Fairprice Finest for Andrea to buy cockroach-killer (LOLOL).

Then we headed to Ion, and the five of us (without Pearl, who left early to do some assignment) sat down and "talked" about an ex-classmate and accumulated 280000 negative karma points in an hour, according to Andrea. D:

It was a fun night, and I hope Pearlyn liked her meal, and her gift. So much love and adoration for her! ♥

(more photos on Facebook!)

*

If you'd told me before today, that I'd cry at a song rendition by Ke$ha, and not out of pain in my ear, I'd have laughed. Listening to this now, though, I teared a few tears and it really moves me the way not many songs have moved me recently. This is just so, haunting, so sad, so amazing. Especially that it's Kesha.

It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
When the rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
Th light I never knowed
And it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try to make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, babe
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, babe
I can’t hear you anymore
Thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ walking down the road
You once loved a woman, a child you know
I give you my heart but you wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
But goodbye is just too good a word, babe
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious life
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

One of my fears in life is being abandoned or deserted. I'm very loyal and I fight for my friendships and try whatever I can to make it work, especially for my best friends. I hold on very tightly even if sometimes, I'm the only one holding on. I think I've learnt to let go now.

You may move on. I guess in some way I deserve it. This is what I did to Maurice. I let go so easily and moved on to you.

When it's not true love, when it's not yet a happy ending, one person will always love the other more, they will love someone who is blind to their love, and be blind to someone else's love.

Maurice did a lot for me, but I was quite blind to it. He put in effort to make me happy, bought me stuff all the time, gave me 28 roses for my 18th birthday, brought me here and there, and I never sought to keep him.

I did a lot for you, and even if you were not quite blind to it, you never gave me the attention I quite deserved. I asked my best friends to help me arrange candles on the beach for you, I organised a chalet for you, I was your best friend for all of two years and now you have a new best friend.

I think proportionate to what I felt for Maurice, you didn't feel I was worth putting in very much effort for, because you knew for a fact we were not going to last, so there was no point. I don't blame you, because I was guilty of the same in my previous relationship. Maybe you learnt from me.

You learnt what to do, from our relationship, just like I learnt what not to do. It's okay, you're not a bad guy, you're not the bad guy. You just didn't love me as much, I know. But you loved me, and that I know too, and am thankful for. That is all, I'm letting go of you now.

*
I actually keep realising how amazing my life has been, how special it's been because of all the special things people have done for me. I had a boyfriend who folded 28 stars for Valentine's Day and gave me 28 roses on my 18th.

I had a star-crossed lover who sat on benches with me beneath the open sky, and taught me about the constellation Orion, the very same one I saw while walking home tonight and the one I will always see in life. Despite being an unbalanced relationship and feeling like I was always giving, he gave me his heart for a period of time.

He folded hearts and an origami box and a love letter for me on the very next Valentine's Day after the aforementioned one. He was miserable when I was miserable, and I was happy because of this, because this was proof that he loved me. (I am a terrible person.)

He had the power to make me do anything, and it amused me so. He'd hold up his closed fist, and shake it in a "pumped-up/winning" manner, and tell me to do the same, so I'd be confident for something, anything. I would initially refuse but as with everything else, I end up doing it while rolling my eyes and laughing at him and myself.

And then there was him. He never had feelings for me, but he played the guitar and made a wooden house for my birthday (on which I balance both my pairs of drumsticks), he's given me free drumming lessons, he's called me at all the right times to cheer me up, and he visited me at the hospital with cookies just because I blogged about him and called him a jerk.

And all three of these guys, they still think of me now and again. They all linked me to the Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Zooey Deschanel New Year's Eve video, because in their minds, they know of my love for him and how closely linked JGL is with my happiness, and I find each of them so sweet.

How Moulin Rouge/Titanic-worthy romantic has my life been because of them?

Before any of these guys, when I was 16 and had just entered TP, I got to dance with the guy I had a crush on during orientation, and my now-best-friends from poly had brought him to my surprise 17th birthday celebration. How many people get that?

My best friends, the all-time ones, the ones since 9 years ago, they've been there for me all the time. Monetarily, they're there. Physically they're there (when I need a hug). Emotionally, the moment they know I'm down, they all chip in their two cents' worth, making me feel like I deserve something better.

I believe it because of them. I don't have to find a partner, but the fact that I have such amazing lovely best friends makes me believe enough that I am capable of having people love me. I am capable of loving people the right way, and well.

My mum and family. My mother has cancer, and she was the one worrying for my ear infection when I was in hospital, like it's my life that's at risk all the time. My mother has always protected me.

Everybody has always protected me, and I thank God for this. Thank God for giving me the best people in life to take care of me, to have taught me the most important, meaningful lessons I could have received.

I'm not saying my life is easy. My life has never been easy. I have divorced parents, I see controversies left right and center, my family isn't exactly financially stable or wealthy.

My mum is battling cancer, and sometimes I just wanna run away because if I were to stay home while she's sick, her vomitting just makes me feel helpless, and I feel disgusted with myself for being weak, when she's the one with physical weaknesses.

It doesn't get any easier, but you don't need to know that. All you need to know is, if you're reading this, you probably have played a part in caring for me, and fighting for me, and loving me, and protecting me, and I cannot thank you enough for it. You have made my life amazing, and I love it. And I will get by, for God.

"Lumos," and there was light.

Thank you God. Alhamdulillah.

READING INTO EVERY WORD

2012-01-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

(music: Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye/Walk Off The Earth)

Hello! Last Sunday, I had reunion dinner with my stepdad's family. As usual, it was a steamboat/teppanyaki dinner.

Sea cucumbers, which I ate for the first time on Monday and didn't quite like. Mum and Lyssa didn't even wanna try it, looking at its texture.

Scallops, which are Lyssa's favourites.

Our favourite mushrooms forever and ever. I think it's more butter than mushroom but hey, what are special occasions for if not pigging out right? :)

My favourite abalones!

My sister asked the Question of the Dragon Year: "what is abalone, sia? mushroom?" and my mum said she takes after me and my onion-ring-made-of-potato theory. #sista4lyf

Then Lyssa said her abalone comment was "one of the stupidest things" she's ever said, so I told her not to lie to herself, it wasn't. She's said way stupider things and we had another round of laughter.

#omnomnom

There was crab in the soup, and Ah Ma simply pushed out the meat in the crab leg with a chopstick. Mad #skillz.

*
Monday was Chinese New Year!

This is my 15-year-old sister who has 10 months to turning sixteen.

This one (as Shereen says) turning eighteen forever. Hahahaha.

Lyssa makes a better model than I do.

Haha so cute! This is just like Lyssa and myself, a smiley one and a frowny one.

This is our 2NE1 pose. HAHAHA berangan.

Next Top Minah, anyone? :P

For a shy person, she can really pose!

♥

♥ ♥ ♥

(More photos in my Facebook album!)

Aside from taking photos and eating, we also played mahjong.

Lyssa had so much luck, she won three rounds, I bet because she was wearing the blue dress (apparently this lunar year, blue is a lucky colour??). My mum, my stepdad, Lyssa and I were playing, and the tiles I discarded were all the tiles Lyssa wanted. Sheesh.

We didn't gamble, though. I kept losing and I couldn't recognise the Chinese numerical characters. Whatever. They're so silly. Bridge is a smarter game. (Abeh perangai sore loser eh.)

*
Monday night/Tuesday morning was a mix of miracle and mistake.

These are the people who are the miracles: Atiqah, Han, Shahida, Fiq, Mike, Huda and Khalis, in no order of importance, truly. I have the best friends/sisters/brothers (not limited to the ones listed in the line above, the rest of you should know). Thank God.

I met the Tasties at Katong, where we had Smith's fish and chips for lunch.

Fiq, Tiqs and Shah had dory and chips.

Han and I had the cod.

I'd asked the staff there for the bestseller, and they said cod, but don't listen to them, they're lying because cod is more expensive on the menu. We unanimously agreed the dory was better.

#omnomnom

(The chips and sauces were all good, though!)

After having the fish and chips, we headed to Katong Lick for ice-cream! The decor there is pretty! There were lights in birdcage installations. More ideas for my room!

Oh, Fiq said she'd help me paint a mural and Khalis didn't say no to helping me with painting/constructing shelves/noticeboard (the circumstances of that day were rather... leading though, but I know they're both sincere).

I love my friends long time. Actually I wanna ask Husna too, I wonder if she'd be interested to help if she's not busy... Imma ask her soon.

♥ ♥ ♥

The couches at Katong Lick are really nice and comfy.

More photos up on Facebook!

After Lick, I went to join my family in CNY visiting and collected angpaos of course, hehhehheh!

Every year we go to this house, and see this thing, it's supposed to have 100 birds, and every year there are people counting whether there are exactly 100. I think I might have blogged this before, pardon this old lady's memory.

That was my holiday, it was a pretty good holiday (despite the ulcers from heaty food and sleepless nights)! Alhamdulillah!

*

I've been hooked on this song for quite a while, and I think both videos are cool! The second video is cool because all the sounds are made on one instrument! I think I also prefer the audio from the second video.

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
(Somebody)
I used to know
(Somebody)
Somebody that I used to know
(Somebody)
I used to know
(Somebody)
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
I used to know
That I used to know
I used to know
Somebody

WHERE DID MY OTHER SIDE GO?

2012-01-23T03:54:00.001+08:00

(music: Sole Mate - Ryan Higa and Victor)

I was on the left, should've known you were right

Thanks to Lyssa and Shikin, I am now resuming my Nigahiga/all YTF (Chester See!!!) video-stalking.

I love this to no end! I love Ryan's ridiculous rap, Victor's lyrics (the missing half of a pair of socks), Ryan's stupid facial expression and random air-drumming and hand gestures (trying to do finger-magic like that advertisement for some Samsung phone? HAHAHA).

They all remind me of three different guys, you can't even guess who. Don't even guess. I hope you enjoy this!

*
Yesterday I was Skypeing with Shereen, and she showed me the plans of her renovated room, which looked gorgeous. She got me inspired to do my own room, especially since my room is so plain and.... green, and not me at all! I'm so sick of this room. I feel so dull looking at it. Like why is my room so boring?

I went through my Tumblr for ideas to carry out the makeover, I'm really gonna decorate it until you won't think it belongs to a plain Jane. I'd really appreciate all thoughts/suggestions/advice/help on how to do it up/where I can get supplies, etc! For example, Li-wen told me where to get 3M sticky-thingy to hang up posters! ♥

Would love to get wallpaper for maybe the top borders of the room! It doesn't have to be pink/floral!

Fairy lights on my bed! Shereen says she'd help me with this, but I think this will be after repainting! I need to repaint my room fo sho, currently it's a lime green and.... not say I don't like lime green, I just prefer maybe 100 other colour schemes.

Gratefully very much if you could think up of colour schemes for me! My old room in Punggol had alternating pink and black walls, so I'm trying to stay away from those two, but anything else/any other combination would be good! I'm thinking of painting rainbow hearts, on the top borders if I don't get the wallpaper.

I know this is ridiculously impossible to find (let alone install) but a rainbow chandelier would be the fucking bomb.

Would anyone like to fold a string of rainbow cranes for me please? :D

I'm actually very much into a rainbow palette rather than a solely pink scheme for my room. I actually think I'd like something rainbowy for the curtains as well. I don't want just one basic colour scheme for everything to adhere to. I'd like anything in the following range, to paste/hang up or to decorate with.

Rainbow-petalled roses, wowwwww.

Peacock feathers! I think peacocks and rainbows are two of the most beautiful things ever and I wanna incorporate a bit of both.

Besides the main colour themes, I know I wanna put up a huge noticeboard on the wall opposite my bed. The wall is currently empty except for a boring round wall clock (which I will replace with something fancier).

I want the noticeboard to pin up cards and photos and posters, so I can have some things to read, instead of keeping my entire stash of notes in a box in the wardrobe, never seeing the light of day! It would be nice, and I could customise it with a quote according to the occasion or season in my life.

For noticeboard/curtains/clock/whatever, I'm definitely gonna have to make an IKEA run (or two, or three), anybody in?!

(this design reminds me of Viv forever, she loves infinity.)

I'd like to have this drawn/painted on one of my walls, maybe I'll engage Syafiqin to do this! I don't trust myself.

On the empty walls or noticeboard (not that there will be space, I predict), I have a thousand ideas of posters to put up. I'll probably stick posters onto every free inch of wall I can see.

This is a bit over. I don't even have a phone line in my room. But I like the idea of pink glittery heels.

This has even less relevance except that it's pink Oreos.

A pink mask to hang on a corner of my noticeboard would be eye-catching! (I love feathers, you must know.)

PINK TYPEWRITER. This is another impossible, like a rainbow chandelier, but one can dream, right?!

Along with random nonsense, I think I'll print many small photos of cute animals and make a collage, frame it up and put it on the wall that is to the right of my bed, beside my window. I can look at it and be happy looking at the adorbzness that are animals!

Okay these aren't animals but they're cute. Be prepared for KITTY KAWAIINEHSS!

KITTIES Y U SO KEWT.

I actually like a lot of animals, not just cats/kittens so my collage would include other things:

:D :D :D :D :D I'm beaming at the sight of them already!

Something else that makes me happy, guys and favourite movies.

Alex Karev forever.

AND THEN.

MY BADASS MOTHERFUCKER!

Oh, hi cutie.

Hi, even more cutie. DUDE HOW DOES THIS PERSON LOOK SO BAMF WITH A CIG THEN SO INNOCENT ADORBZ WITH GLASSES?! Only JGL man, only JGL.

This. Hesher.

AND THEN. I will print posters/screencaps of my favourite scenes.

"We're responsible! I think we do a bad thing here. People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, without some strangers putting words in their mouths."

AIYO BB, WHY ARE YOU SO KESIAN?! I LOVE YOU BB, I MEAN THAT AND NOBODY IS SAYING OR WRITING THAT FOR ME. ;_;

Sometimes I wish I was Zooey Deschanel. Like 23 hours in a day.

The look in his eyes when he saw the ring. That look will forever and ever and ever and ever be burned in my brain. OH GOD TOM! YOU POOR SOUL. Your heartbreak lives on forever in my heartbreak.

(I swear I am a drama mama, but this movie. How? Why? What? It is a masterpiece. It is a piece of brilliant.)

I'd print all these! And live in the glory of (500) Days of Summer, and in the glory of love, and what love means to me, every day!

AND THEN.

BAMF AGAIN.

I don't really favour Inception but this poster is cool, and anything to do with dreaming, I'm in.

Printing this (and the other main movie posters) in A3/A2 for sure!

AND THEN. MY OTHER MOST FAVOURITE MOVIE. (I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.)

THIS NEEDS TO BE PRINTED. IT'S PINK, IT HAS THE UK ROYAL EMBLEM/SLOGAN/WHATEVER/IT'S FIGHT CLUB. PRINTTTTTT.

I quite like this one: I think I'm bipolar sometimes (all the time), so yes, this one.

AND THEN: MOST FAVOURITE ROMANCE EVER. MOULIN ROUGE!

I think I want this to be written somewhere. Or I could print a small one and pin it on my noticeboard!

LAST, some Harry Potter of course!

Wow I'm really excited! I don't know how or why I never thought of doing up my room, and now I wanna, and it's spilling all over, I can't contain my excitement!

I really want to do this thoroughly, I want to have a bit of creativity and cuteness and beauty and things that awe me, all around me in my room, instead of kept in my wardrobe, so that I can keep remembering and living the happiness that I felt in a moment once, somewhere.

I hope there are people to help me! I'm gonna try and rope in my Tasties of course, but anyone who wants to help me shop for stuff at IKEA/for paint/wallpaper anywhere is welcome to! Also, you could suggest places to print my stuff, if you're the artsy/design type! I think I shall also ask Khalis for help with the noticeboard. For all I know, he'll agree to make me one if IKEA proves to be expensive hahaha. IDK, must recce first.

Wish me luck, and I'd be glad for any help at all! Anything is appreciated. What kind of paint/where to get nice (affordable) curtains/alternatives to printing/if you love origami and want to fold me paper cranes. Heheheh.

*
He draws the curtain, filling the room with light, and a view of the sea.

It hurts her eyes, trying to accustom themselves to such intense brightness after a night in the dark. She rubs them, looks up at him and gives him a smile, or what she hopes is a smile, because she's still in that pleasant state between sleep and wakefulness, and her muscles don't really know what they're doing.

"Mmph--mmm-hmmm-mph.."

"It's 8.30," was his reply.

She figures there's still time to laze before having to rush for work (or was it school then?), to leave him to his world. Two minutes later, she looks up at his standing figure again, and says, "wait, what did I ask just now?"

" 'What time is it?' " he says.

"Did I actually say that?"

"No, but I figured from your tone, the lilt in your voice" he responds while touching her ear, and kissing her shoulder.

She turns away, not letting him see her wide smile, with more than a hint of sad in her eyes. She knows they were going to end, and soon, and she hoped against hope to find someone else who'd be able to read her from a few muffled half-words.

(Have I ever written this? I'm sorry if I have! I don't recall!)

*
Today was a very nice day spent with Lyssa, and then my whole family. We had a reunion dinner, and hilarious conversations. I'll blog about it along with the other main CNY celebrations, probably on Wednesday or Thursday. Happy Lunar New Year, yall! Wishing you all fortune and prosperity!

THIS IS THE HERE AND NOW

2012-01-20T07:10:00.001+08:00

(music: Here's to the Night - Eve 6)

There are words upon words to follow in this post but before that, here is a newsflash re: everything that happened in my life this week!

Basically, because I am a social media addict, everything that transpired was recorded on either Twitter or Whatsapp, or both, so I will transfer them here, mostly for Han's sake, because she has neither Twitter nor Whatsapp. :P

1.

I like it when I receive a direct message on Twitter. I adore the notification bird.

2. As can be seen from my wallpaper in point 1, I also adore Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

On Monday morning, I saw a Facebook post that Joe had posted and tagged Zooey in. It was weird, because I was feeling more upset about Joseph than I was feeling about Khalis. That shows the extent of my love towards Joe. Or towards Khalis, whatever that even means or doesn't mean.

I was truly distraught. I disliked the idea of Joe being with Zooey, because I love (500) Days of Summer, and I do this stupid thing where I draw parallels between my own life and fiction, which is completely delusional and delirious, but I do it anyway.

So

i) Joe and Zooey were like myself and Blob, and if they get together, Tom would be receiving his happy ending, but I wouldn't be getting mine.

or

ii) Joe and Zooey were like Khalis and myself, and K isn't the one for me, so I was adamant that Zooey wasn't the one for Tom, and they can't end up together, just can't, because she didn't deserve him.

(you will notice that in both situations, I am Tom and they are Summer hahahaha wut :P)

or

iii) Zooey just reminds me of Summer and I think she's a bitch and she's just not right for my baby Joseph anyway.

But then I sat myself down and was logical about it and reasoned that Zooey could be and probably is a nice ideal girl for Joe and she makes him happy, then I should allow him to be with her instead of moping and being miserable about it (not that I make a difference, anyhow, but allow a fangirl her delusions, can?).

And then Nurul, who is a #TVWhore after my own heart and hates the idea of Joe and Zo together, was disturbed that I was getting around to accepting their pairing.

I said that her uppermost Tweets to me seemed like she was singing a song, she said that it was like I was forcing myself on her, which I realised sounds more accurate HAHAHAHA.

I went home that night to Pizza Hut for dinner.

3. On Tuesday, I went to work and started reading Paulo Coelho's Brida.

I feel like Paulo Coelho has magical powers. He doesn't merely write so much as he sucks you in to believe that his word is truth. He writes about spiritual things in different religious/pagan perspectives, and The Alchemist took on a Muslim slant, whereas Brida is about Wiccan rituals and witchcraft.

And I swear I always think the books and stories feel real, even if they are fantasy and fiction. It's equal to JK Rowling writing Harry Potter and leading you to believe there is a Hogwarts, somewhere. But for serious. I'm not even joking.

I read Brida and I feel like the rituals work and there's magic, and there's soulmates to be found, etc etc. Brida is a more romantic spiritual book, than The Alchemist is. I think The Alchemist touches more on faith/trust.

I like this paragraph a lot! I found it so very inspiring especially since I was getting over a so-called "heartbreak", though my heart wasn't really broken, I was just getting over someone/getting closure. Love, like flowers, cannot be possessed, but can still be appreciated for what it was, frozen in time. :)

I don't associate that paragraph with any particular guy in my life, but it would apply to all of them, since I've had feelings for them and yet don't possess them. I still have very fond memories of each of them, nonetheless, and that makes it all worth it.

Anyway, Huda and I had this somewhat mirror-neurons moment, because, at the same time, we both Tweeted and offered an alternative in brackets, and you might think it isn't a big deal, but I say, rarely would you find such a Tweet in such a structure, one right after another.

Tuesday night I had nasi with sambal goreng and paru and lauk nenas, from my grandma. Despite loving sushi, and Thai food, and Korean cuisine, and pasta/pizza, and steaks or lamb chops, or Indian breads and curries, or dim sum, my favourite feel-good food is still Malay dishes. #minahatheart

That night, my mother had rummaged through some boxes to do her CNY spring-cleaning (in truth, she spring-cleans every month) and found my old awards and medals from my primary school.

BEST IN HIGHER MALAY TROLOLOLOL. I must tell Khalis, once upon a time I was also out-Malaying people. He out-Malays me all the time! Sometimes, though, I think he's cheating, like the time he said "update" is "kemaskini" in Malay, I'm pretty sure he Googled it on his phone. -.-

Anyway, the truth is though, that there were only 3 students in our cohort taking Higher Malay, one of whom was my then-best friend Dirah. She and I took it in turns to win such awards, the other boy Faiz rarely did so. HAHAHA omg #glorydays.

That night brought a feeling of nostalgia like nothing else.

4. On Wednesday morning, I woke up tired and sleepy and loath to go to work.

The good thing is, my best friends were in exactly the same moods, so we accompanied each other through Whatsapp (except Han, she's resistant and will not accept change, going against technology because she thinks it's bad, without wanting to experience the good side of it, but to each their own!).

We make fun of Filipino people and their accents, there is no denying it. We have a lot of fun doing this. One day I will film Fiq doing her impressions, she's spot-on. I should put Fiq and Khalis next to each other, and see who can out-nonsense the other! My money's on Khalis though, guys always have more nonsense.

(....Suddenly, Khalis' name reminds me of Khal Drogo, and I guess only Viv and Huds, and maybe Li-Wen if she still reads my blog, would appreciate this reference.... and okay so that's that. I wonder if anyone's ever called him Khal, probably not! I shall start, HAHA no.

Sometimes I worry that I say things nobody understands. It happens very often.)

Anyway, I had a sort-of episode at work, and it creeped me out for a while, but then like everything else, it came to an end, and life goes on.

I went cycling with Han after work, she still doesn't trust herself yet, she said she feels self-conscious and she swerves when she thinks people are looking at her. For all that I say set myself and Han apart, I think she trusts me a lot. This is something I really and truly appreciate and I try to keep that trust for as long as I can.

Sometimes I feel like her parent, pushing her to her limits to realise that she has a lot more potential than she thinks of herself, but I'm afraid of going too far, because I don't wanna break her trust. Of course, more often than not, she's my parent and keeping me in check and making sure I don't overstep certain lines.

She's as much my foil as I am hers. :)

When she got tired of cycling, we sat under my block and spent an hour pondering the great big mysteries of life like God and faith and practising it and love and finding a soulmate and recognising a soulmate for sure and couplehood and marriage, as we have done for at least 20 times in our friendship already.

Each time, we still break new ground. I will never tire of talking to my friends/the people I love. I will never tire of talking, at all. :P

5. After work, this evening was sort-of Family Day. I saw my sisters' new "humour" book, which they'd bought from a book fair at school, or somewhat. I read through a page of the "jokes", along with the accompanying "morals". All I could say was, "What. I can't even!"

My main peeve is that it had to start with "on the maid's day off" like the author seems to be taking for granted that everybody should be privileged enough to have a maid. What?

Some of them have no link, or don't even make sense!

It's written by a guy called George Ong, and he actually has a series of such books, of which my little sisters bought three. Three! One is $11, so they spent $33 on this trash!

I knew I couldn't be the only one perplexed by all of it, so I gave it to Lyssa, whose reaction was about as baffled as I felt. Srsly the entire book is filled with lame, feeble stories, with just the littlest semblance of brain work put into them.

I could write better stories. I'd give them away for free!

Fuck, this guy srsly got on my nerves. This is what local "literature" has come down to. ...I mean, if you want to do a joke book, do a joke book, you know? Don't be a wishy-washy halfway-house between being funny, and imparting morally righteous values, and failing at both!

...Forget it. I can't even.

We went to Northpoint to make Lyssa a new pair of spectacles.

Loony Luna Lovegood!

Lyssa and I got two pairs of coloured contact lenses each, fyessa!!! I chose one of the colours to match my outfit for Chinese New Year. (I am the blinder one.)

We had dinner at Swensen's. This was Lyssa's main course, barramundi. Mine was wagyu beef burger, I didn't take a photo but it was good. It was a good dinner throughout, Lyssa and I were bantering with our parents about.... sex-related things (is chocolate an aphrodisiac?).... and other things. HAHA.

We came home and I Skyped with Wonderwoman Shereen! Her room looks even better than it did before.

There are words on the left wall: "When words fail... Music speaks." SO. SHEREEN.

And she has a black-and-white poster in the background, in which only Marilyn Monroe's dress is red. And there's also a dreamcatcher...

So I was happily chatting with her for an hour, when I saw Wei-Xun Seow online on Skype. I got really flustered, and I couldn't think nor talk (I don't know why I still freeze at seeing him, I think 'cos I'm incapable of deciding whether to talk to him) so Shereen takes out this pink bottle of hair product.

...Which she'd gotten for me. And I was actually distracted because it was pink! HAHAHA GOD I LOVE HER. I also can't wait to use it. But I LOVE HER.

Shereen says "Sunshine, I can visualise your husband. He's tall... And he's very humble, but smart. But he has a quiet confidence. He knows exactly what to do, and what he wants." And hahahaha it's such a fantasy it doesn't sound like such a guy exists, but she says she'll hunt him down for me.

Aww man I love her! In return I will gladly go to Australia after she's graduated (she's now in Liverpool) and do the shades-and-snooping-around-cafes thing with her. ;P

She also came up with a line: "There is no room for panic in success." Copyright 2011: Shereen Wonderwoman Goklani

Also, during the Skype session, Khalis called and I talked to him for a few minutes! It might not seem like much to you, but that's the first we've talked since last week's awkward text messages. Did I tell you I decided he was to be my best friend? Yeah, I did. HAHA. He doesn't have much say in it.

He might as well be, what! Right? Despite all the initial (and even post-initial) awkwardness of my trying to get over him, he cares about me enough to check on me and how I'm doing and how my family is doing, how my mum is doing and how my drumming is going, and how my friends are.

I love talking to him about anything and everything, I've said before he is like the male version of Syafiqin, so yes, I will treat him like a male best friend. He's not going anywhere, hehe. Now I just have to let him be comfortable enough to trust me to tell me things, he's already said he would. Yay, I'm so glad.

Mutual trust is a nice and precious thing, I shall be very careful with it. I have a (trainee) best friend who's a Khal, HAHAHA. Okay orang tak faham. Actually, aku pun tak faham.

After my Skype session, I checked my Whatsapp and Shahida had sent me some images.

There is a World Hug Day. I am forever gonna live like it's Jan 21.

Shahida says this is for Han! Who doesn't like hugs.

I hope I get to see Shahida on Saturday/World Hug Day! She's my main hugging partner! I need to hug as many people as I can then! It will be piggy bank of hugs. I must store all the hugs I can get, and remember all the happy feelings I get from that day. :)

6. For the past two weeks, I have been emailing Huda. What I am going to show you/include, is just the tip of the iceberg (one that can never melt nor break), because we type thousands and thousands of words to each other, and I now agree with H that possibly only the two of us could wade through all the crazy that we tell each other, and add on even more crazy.

So in my last email, I had a part which was called "Re: The Last We Might (and Should) Hear of Khalis" and I meant in a romantic way of course, and you can enlarge the screencap to see what she says, Huda is hilarious and has such appropriate comments!

Do ignore point 1. That's derivative of the conversation between myself and K. I love the memeface as usual though. IT'S JUST SO APT I can't even! ;_;

That face says "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" like nothing else!

This entire point and subpoints of her email, is what I name the Document of Truth. It was just the sort of thing Han and I were babbling about after our cycling session.

She ended her email with lyrics from a song called Sara Smile; also we've both concluded if life/school was about emailing each other we'd receive distinctions/graduate summa cum laude/win 50000 points.

But anyway, also in my last email:

"And although I thought it would hurt like a bitch, like the first time round, although I thought I might have to listen to Adele all over again. I didn't. Because I know, as it was with Blob, I would be fine. Because I always am. Because I know I'm always gonna be fine. And because people (like you) always tell me I will be fine. And I figured, if I am gonna be fine someday, then why not now? What's the point of dwelling for 1.5 months waiting for time to do the trick, when I already knew the results? And so, I Was fine, and now I Am fine."

I don't know how I got around to typing that, but I must always remember this. And I hope it's useful to anybody else reading this.

This is not Huda's reply to that exact paragraph, but it has a lot of value to it (please do bear in mind, should you be a boy/guy):

"You're right though. It's always that glimmer of hope that makes you hold on. Always, always, always. I am glad he gave you a straight-enough answer. I am glad he isn't leading you on. I am bummed it didn't work out the way it should have (in my ever hopelessly-romantic eyes) but I am also beyond beyond glad that he has allowed you to let go, to give up, and to move on. I know boys don't know it but sometimes the things they say and do completely confuse girls with regards to hoping for the future, and I wish they knew where to draw the line, and actually showed us the goddamn line clearly from the very very start. I am glad you are strong enough to draw the line on your own; you are stronger than you know."

*

In any case, I think a while ago, I read on Huda's blog, that when you're in a happy mood, you should list 25 things (and more, if possible) that make you happy, and you should read it when you're down, so you remember and be thankful for the things that do make you happy. I think I wanna do it now.

1. God, for granting me life
2. Myself, for granting my own happiness
3. My family for always accepting me and talking to me
4. Love, every kind. Self-love, best friend love, love long lost, love yet to be, love is love is love
5. Hugs, because a hug makes everything better
6. Conversations with my best friends: past (ex-boyfriend/best friend), present (and forever), soon-to-be :D
7. Technology: Twitter/Whatsapp/Facebook/Skype/TweetDeck
8. Song lyrics
9. New books I haven't read, and books I've read that are my favourites
10. Words. Words upon words that I can play with, or use to express, or to evoke.
11. My blog
12. Drums and drumming
13. Movies, favourite movies with everything: storyline, characterisation, frames, soundtracks, setting, etc
14. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and photos and videos of him, and his words and thoughts
15. Grey's Anatomy
16. The colour pink
17. Food, all sorts but most especially...
18. Eggs
19. Good dreams
20. Being satisfied with the choices I've made in life
21. Being good at something
22. Thrill rides/activities like bungy!, and conquering my fears
23. Harry Potter
24. United Kingdom (I am an Anglophile, did you know?)
25. My hair. I think my hair is an extension of myself. It's wavy/curly and so hard to tame and style, and looks terrible in a lot of photos, but it's not very common and I like its individuality hahaha.
26. Emails with Huda and catching up with all the friends I care about
27. Being a grammar Nazi
28. The number 28
29. Ice-cream, especially Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough, Maggie Moo's Smore Fun than a Campfire, Lick's seasalt caramel
30. My figure, I'm glad for my height
31. Nail polish and having my nails painted
32. Photography, not that I'm enlightened in this area
33. Freedom
34. Knowing that I'm self-sufficient...
35. ..But still depending on everyone I know for company, and providing me with perspectives
36. Visiting a new country
37. The squeaky noise made when I'm wearing my sneakers and walking on a smooth surface
38. Watches and having them to wear
39. My Blackberry (yes, iPhone users, my BB is capable of making me happy too)
40. Violins and string instruments
41. Nice clothes that flatter me, especially dresses
42. Delicious scents that can be eaten up or perfumes of guys I newly like
43. Having a physical workout and making my body fitter
44. Manchester United winning a game, or Manchester United winning everything!
45. The strength of my immune system
46. Looking good in photos
47. Looking good in real life
48. A good night's sleep/rest
49. Making someone else happy
50. This list

These are 50 of my favourite/happy things. I doubled the criteria! That's awesome, anytime I feel down I must remember that I will be able to use any one of 50 things to make myself happy!

Here's to hoping you all have your own inexhaustible list of happy things. Because you deserve your own happiness as much as I believe I deserve mine. :) ♥

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

AN EPILOGUE

2012-01-16T01:16:00.001+08:00

Today, I talked to Viv on Whatsapp, and the following is what happened.

I removed the name because I don't know if either of them would be comfortable with it. In any case, I read Viv's blogpost from last night, and it was so funny that I felt it spoke to me, because she'd said the same thing about my blogpost from yesterday, on Twitter.

Last night on Twitter, I had the support of Huda and Viv. Viv kept doing the areyoume.gif Tweet, and I think Viv, Huda and I are essentially the same person.

The three of us love books (in particular recently have a thing for Hunger Games), and we each have the Game of Thrones Direwolf tee. And we support Manchester United, and we are dirty-minded, and we watch the same kind of TV, and everything, but MOSTLY (above all those superficial reasons), we just have too many feelings. We do.

The thing that separates Viv from Huda and myself is only that she's Chinese and she would never be a #Minahbawahblok like H and I (not that she should want to HAHAHA). OH WAIT, and the fact that Huda and I both believe in God and Viv doesn't know if God exists, etc.

But anyway, I was speaking of feelings and so here goes. I read this today, but this is how I felt yesterday, before I got over it, so I should include this first. This is all from Viv's blog. The feelings are almost the same though. Not that I ever actually talked to Khalis about it. It's just what I figure would have transpired if I had.

my rational side:
this is all for the better. all the points she made are valid. we are very different people. we don't have many common interests. it will be a lopsided relationship and it will be unfair to me. we shouldn't start something that most likely won't end well, and might ruin the friendship we have now. better that she reject me now than let me try to make it work, and then have to reject me all over again. this is all for the better.

my other side:
fuck all rationalisation. there is nothing rational about my feelings. I know it's been confusing for her, and that she really did try to figure it out on her own. I know you can't force someone to feel something they don't. I know she tried.. but she didn't let me try. I'm a fixer, a goddamn fixer who keeps wanting to fix people even though it's not in my place to do so, even when they don't need fixing. I'm the one who needs fixing. I think I could make her happy. we're very different people, but I see how we're the same as well. I think I could make the differences work. I'm terrified of taking risks, but I am willing to take this one. I'm tired of being so passive and not having things work in my favour. so I did this, laid my heart bare and told her how I felt, and left the decision up to her. in the hands of another girl, my heart would've been crushed. she let me down in the gentlest way possible, and I guess I was lucky in that sense. or maybe not, because she was so goddamn rational about it all. because fuck all rationalisation. there is nothing rational about my feelings.

(I would just like to say I love how she started and ended her "other side" paragraph with the same things, for effect. I might have done the same thing sometime hahaha. :P)

Yesterday before going on a Tweet-spam, if I'd read this, I'd have said this succinctly summarised everything I wanted to say.

Once upon a time, I'd have done the same as Viv, would have fought for something, would have said the same things to someone I had romantic feelings for. Once upon a time, I actually did. I told Blob that I liked him, and even though the response wasn't positive, I fought for it like there was nothing to be lost.

I recognised that he was scared and very apprehensive, because he'd never thought of me as anything but a squad-mate, the vice president to his debates club, nothing more than a platonic friend, because I was not his type, because I was not even the "good girl" he could make his girlfriend and bring home to his parents.

I was exactly the opposite. I was bold, brash, loud, confident, and I'd just told him I liked him, even though there had been no sign of that in the 1.5 years we'd known each other. No sign at all. In fact, I don't even know how long I'd fallen for him before telling him. A week? That's just how I always am. "Strike while the iron is hot!" No?

Even though I wasn't what Blob was looking for, I knew I could make him happy, I knew I could be suitable for him, I knew we could be happy with each other. Even if only for a while. Even if one day it had to end, I really liked him and I wanted to be with him. For as long as I could.

He had no feelings for me initially, but I took the risk, and I was sweet and warm and flirty enough for him to decide "ah what the fuck! I shall take the path of least resistance and fall for her already" because in case you didn't know, if you put in enough effort, you can tempt anyone to like you, you just have to push their buttons. Everybody has buttons.

(It's called courtship, and traditionally males do it to approach girls, but I've never been one for tradition. And a tip: be shameless enough to ignore the fact that your first advances might not be reciprocated.)

I am telling you this because once upon a time, I was the one who believed enough and was filled with so much optimism and positivity that I could make someone fall in love with me as much as I was in love with them. I used to be willing to take the risk, in spite of the fact that Blob would never have chosen me otherwise.

But then we failed. Blob and I failed. What happened to the one month of December during which I sent him good night texts and took care to remember what he was doing, tend to his every need? It resulted in a failure. What happened to being each other's best friends and being rock-solid despite everything else in our lives fucking up? It resulted in a failure.

Everything, all my efforts, all his efforts, everything resulted in a failure. That's not to say that I didn't love him or I didn't love our relationship, because I did. But it was a failure because it ended.

So then came Khalis.

Here I quote from Viv's paragraph again, the underlined part, "I'm a fixer, a goddamn fixer who keeps wanting to fix people even though it's not in my place to do so, even when they don't need fixing. I'm the one who needs fixing." This struck me more than the other sentences did.

I've been emailing Huda about him (or I was, but I stop now), and in one email I said, "But I seem to be wanting to fix him and trying to resolve his issues which is so fucked up because I have so many of my own issues I can't deal with, so SARAH, don't distract yourself with problems of other people!"

And it's not that Khalis has a lot of issues or whatever, he just didn't trust me (which was a trust issue for me, because how do I get him to like me if he doesn't trust me??), and I desperately wanted him to. I wanted to be the one whom he could talk to about anything and everything. But I wasn't. Anyway, the reply I got from Huda to that sentence was:

"I think it's okay that you want to fix him. Sometimes fixing other people makes you feel like you can fix your own problems. I know that's how I feel sometimes. That's how I fix myself."

That struck home like nothing else. I think that was tier one of my realisation. That maybe I don't like him for who he is. Maybe he just represents a person, any guy, with issues, for me to fix. Maybe I just distract myself from my own issues with someone else's. And maybe now I know I can fix myself, without wanting to fix other people.

And then of course, there are the many things that separate and differentiate us. He is so musically and artistically inclined: he dances, drums, plays about 20 musical instruments, and he's generally very active whereas I am the opposite. I am inert, I like things like words and reading and watching TV and movies, and he doesn't even read. Whut.

One of the few things I'd say we have in common is drumming. But so what? A lot of people drum, or like the drums, or do it as a hobby, or professionally, or are taking lessons for it.

I don't know, one day, years ago, maybe I would have ignored all the differences, would have believed "opposites attract", would have fought so hard to make him like me, would have taken it as a challenge.

And then I wondered, what if that was it? What if I'm just one of those people rumoured to just love the chase? What if I wanted him precisely because I couldn't have him, because he was so fucking out of reach? Because I am one of those people in other areas, I love challenges, I cannot resist.

So many things slowly converged and showed me that I didn't see him for who he was. They are little things, but it's the little things that matter, no? I realised he remembers more than I do about whatever has happened. Last week he said the first time he'd met me, was when we watched Inception. I'd forgotten. I don't know how, I usually don't forget such things, but I had.

And then I recalled, even though I said in a recent blogpost that I'd never seen him with short hair, I HAVE. Last year in the January/February period, he had short hair. I just remembered because he had short hair during his dance performance which I went to watch with Han. But that didn't stick in my memory, either.

I can't even remember his current haircut. In the blogpost in which I said I'd never seen him with short hair, I described his haircut as something of an undercut with longer hair on one side than the other, then I saw him on Thursday and it was nothing like what I remembered (even though he swears he didn't cut it in the time since passed, but I don't know).

I DON'T KNOW who I was apparently in love with. I think I just loved being in love, and I didn't even see him for who he was. I don't know him very well, I don't know how or why I said I was so in love with him.

There are a thousand and one things that could be the reason behind why I got over him so easily last night. It was really that easy. It was like, 5 Tweets were angsty/whiny and suddenly I said, "I think I am over Khalis" and it was true. HAHAHA.

I don't know, it could be because it was the second time I was telling him and I'd learnt to block a lot of my feelings for him this time round, so it didn't sting as much (though, second-time rejection is as much or more of a humiliation than a first, but I'm thick-skinned enough).

It could be because I'd slowly been realising I wasn't considering nor treating him as a person in his own right. That I didn't pay attention to him, that I was always thinking about my own feelings about him, than who he actually was.

It could be because of the forbidden fruit theory: maybe I only liked that he was hard-to-get. Maybe I just wanted him because he didn't like or want me, and I wanted to stop. Could be the opposite, maybe I got over it so easily because I was bitter and hated wanting something that didn't want me. Could be because we are just too different with too few conciliatory aspects to connect us.

Could be because I might have grown a shell, a layer, a little more defensive than I used to be, a little more in need of protection. Maybe I've become scared. Maybe if you gave me the options between fight and flight, I'd choose flight because I'm not willing to risk getting hurt fighting for what I want. Maybe I recognise that it'd all culminate in a failure, so what is the point?

Given the choice, I think I just want friendship more than anything. Rarely do friendships end, but relationships end all the time. I want a true friendship, I want something that is much more resistant to failure than a relationship. I'd like Khalis to be there, to stick around for a long, long time, and maybe that is why I gave up on him as a romantic interest, because I don't want to have to miss him if anything goes wrong. Maybe I've learnt from my mistakes.

I don't know what the point of this post was. I really don't. I just have to set things straight at the end of everything. I need to see what I've done, see if it's justifiable, and have it laid out for other parties to judge too, whether everything is justified.

I just want to say, for one, good luck to Vivienne, whatever happens. I'm rooting for you, for both of you, and I sincerely hope it provides you with happy feelings and things that make you feel happy instead of all that nonsense ridiculity both of us shared yesterday. I'm very proud of all the steps you've taken, and thank you for sharing your excessive feelings with me and letting me share mine. :)

For two, thank you to Huda for always being my online voice of reason, for virtual-hugging me in a thunderstorm even at 4am in the morning. I am going to email you right now, and I hope you stay here with me for a long time, because if anything, having you around provides me some sanity and safety (and needless to say, happiness). :)

And now, even though Viv doesn't like hugs, *GROUPHUG!*

ONE MILLION!

2012-01-15T15:37:00.000+08:00

If you haven't heard of Jipaban, where have you been?!

It's an online shopping portal, and Jipaban, in Hokkien, literally means one hundred of ten thousand, which then means one million (100 X 10 000 = 1 000 000, logical right?) and what better name is there to name a shopping portal. There's literally hundreds of thousands of stuff to browse through.

Even more apt, what better place is there to shop at for Chinese New Year?! Jipaban means one million, and it sounds lucky and auspicious! Shop there, and for all you know, you could win one million in mahjong this year! (Okay that's a bit far-fetched. One million Indonesian rupiah?? Who knows?! Could be!)

I really like Jipaban because they put in effort into creating lookbooks and outfits or gift ideas for each season. For example, I've received catalogues for Christmas and Chinese New Year, and it makes purchasing gifts for others or for myself so much simpler and faster!

This year, they've compiled four different themes for the ladies...

Firecracker Pop

Fortune Cookies

Spring Reunion

And my personal favourite (because I like florals and lace and am a girly girl that way), Shanghai Rose!

Each theme has a few looks to it, so there is variety to be chosen from!

The coolest thing is that you can even purchase the entire look/outfit in a bundle, and the bundles are all less than $100! For a dress, a pair of shoes, accessories, and a bag! How convenient is that! All you have to do is click on "purchase on bundle", specify your shoe size, and voila, the entire attire is in your cart!

It cannot get any easy peasy lemon squeezier.

Apart from lookbooks for ladies, they even created them for men! This is for all you lucky ladies with boyfriends (I am not envious, I am not envious, I am so not envious) who can shop for them, or for your brothers, or any men in your life!

If I were to receive a $100 Jipaban shopping voucher, how would I spend it this Chinese New Year? This question is quite hard to answer, because I am spoilt for choice... However, the lookbooks really appealed to me so I will generally stick to the outfits!

I'd get the floral maxi because I love maxis because I am tall and maxis complement my figure (hah! suck on that, short girls with boyfriends! uhhhh, yeah, although I don't have a boyfriend so I don't know what I'm saying this for) and that would be $30...

I'd get this cutesy matching pink sling bag at $16.... (Total so far: $46)

THESE HEELS. Were made for ME. $24.50! (Total so far: $70.50!)

I love this double-ring! Might be 'cos of the Tiffany-esque design, but it's gorgeous regardless. $6. (Total so far: $76.50!)

And of course, Chinese New Year stretches for more than one day and one dress isn't enough. If you're not the kind to go for sweet floral stuff, and you prefer bold siren red dresses, this is the one. $27! (Total so far: $103.50!)

So I'd have spent $103.50 on two dresses, a ring, a bag, and a pair of shoes! To me, that's totally worth it.

Especially because...

1) For any purchase, you get free delivery within 3-5 working days, anywhere in Singapore if you select standard postage!

2) If your purchase is over $100, you get FREE Jipaban Next Day Delivery! ONE DAY. That means you will definitely receive it in time to wear for Chinese New Year, AND IT'S FREE OF CHARGE. No transportation costs! No need to spend $2 taking the MRT to Orchard to shop for something to wear. (And another $2 home. And you never know if SMRT will break down. Your order will arrive in a day.)

I'm checking out Jipaban.com for my CNY attire and more!

If you don't celebrate Chinese New Year, fret not. Wondering what to do during your long weekend? There is a selection of books, movies, gifts and lifestyle options, and games (for all you guys and non-girly girls). You could purchase now and receive them in time for things to do on Chinese New Year, or if you have no plans for CNY, spend your hours on Jipaban!

Have a Happy Chinese New Year! With millions of friends and family and food and fun and love and money and whatever makes you happy! :)

WORDS WITH FRIENDS

2012-01-14T20:30:00.000+08:00

I've never played a game of Words with Friends, nor do I even know what it is. I think though, that it might be something like Scrabble.

It is 7.27pm as I start composing this post. I slept at around 1am last night, and woke up at 1pm today.

Between 1pm and now, I have eaten, folded clothes, then gone back to sleep, and I just ate a sandwich (chicken patty with cheese and egg) made by mum and served to me on my bed and in fact the plate is still here with me.

Although I had a stack of my own clothes folded neatly, I fell asleep with it on my bed before putting it into my wardrobe so I kicked it down while I was sleeping and now I have to refold them. At least my household's clothes have all been kept.

Apart from eating lunch, folding clothes, and eating that lovely sandwich for dinner, I have done nothing but sleep. Usually I'd want to watch the latest Grey's Anatomy episode the moment it's available, but it's been online for a day and I have no interest in watching it.

That is how affected I am. I don't even care about Grey's, which is next to impossible because I love Grey's, it is part of my life, it is part of me, and even though 70% of its episodes make me cry, watching it gives me happiness. I don't want to watch it at all for now.

Before starting on this post, I had so many words in my head to churn out, but now that I'm actually typing it, they all sound stupid and I don't know what this is even going to be about.

Hanisah says in a text, "why your life is so confusing i dont know. why cant you just be friends yet secretly like him. i would do that. why must you cut him off?? so sad! dont be like blob. i mean, u actually enjoy d drum circle. why should you sacrifice a perfectly good teacher and things you enjoy for something you do not want? i do not understand."

First of all, I did do that. I don't know how much of a secret my feelings were, but I tried to treat him as a normal friend, for about the past 4 months. Slowly but surely, though, my feelings resurfaced and I liked all the things that made me fall for him in the first place.

I couldn't do it anymore, because I knew my feelings were not going away, and I don't wanna be that girl who is secretly in love with somebody even up till he gets a girlfriend, and pretends she's not jealous but in reality she wishes he would break up.

It sounds ridiculous but I know of such people, I know them, and I would have ended up like them if I don't cut it out right now.

I wish I didn't have to cut him off either. I wish, you have no idea how hard I'm wishing.

I wish when I meet him, I'd have this choice of controlling my feelings, of being in total unaffected and "unaffectable" mode. I wish whenever I talked to him, I didn't feel so happy. The problem is I could probably have the same conversation with anyone and everyone else, and I'd still feel happiest talking to him (out of all guys).

I wish I could have and exchange words with a friend called Khalis and feel nothing except platonic friendliness. You have no idea how much I'm wishing.

I really wish it was so, because I KNOW I seem pathetic, to be dependent on this guy who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. I have the same opinion everybody else does, that I am irrational and stupid, and I don't want to be. But I cannot help my stupid and irrational feelings and I don't know how or why.

It's not a choice. If I was using my brains, the choice would be so easy to make. Khalis has told me no before, therefore I should have learnt my lesson, and not fallen for him again. Khalis has fallen for another girl in the past 4 months, and so I should have just moved on and forgotten about him.

BUT NO. My brain refuses to function, and my heart is doing all the work, and it is just so ridiculous how many things should be clicking and telling me to stop, and yet I don't. My feelings don't end and I don't know why.

I keep comparing the situation with Blob, because that was my longest serious pseudo-relationship, and I thought I wouldn't ever get over him, but I am. He and I tried so many times to get over each other and to move on from each other, but it never happened until we ignored each other for longer than a month.

The thing is, I don't know if that month was easy for him to do, to ignore my existence, I sort of pushed him to do it, and he had an incentive to do so anyway. In any case, I somewhat registered that if Blob can find it in him to not acknowledge me for that long, then he couldn't care less about me, and therefore I should and definitely could care less about him.

It's ridiculous because I know Blob is a good friend, he was a good friend while he was my almost-boyfriend, and he was a good friend even through the whole of last year, and I know he'd have wanted to be a good friend had I not pushed him to stop talking to me.

It's ridiculous because I somehow know that is the only way I could get over Khalis as well, if I push him into ignoring my existence, into not caring about my drumming or my family or my friends or anything in my life. If he doesn't care for me as a friend, then my feelings for him will go away, because I wouldn't like a non-friend. Han is right, the guys I fall for have to be my good friends first.

It's ridifuckulous, because I know Khalis wouldn't ignore and avoid me for two straight months unless I made him do it, unless I told him it was necessary for me to get over him.

Khalis and Blob are similar in that sense, they do what is required for my best interests, which is even more ridiculous because what I need them to do is to cast themselves in a bad light so I get over them, but they're doing it because they care, so it's a paradox and my brain knows it, and yet it still is what works.

Why am I so ridiculous? Why are my feelings so stupid and irrational and out of my control?!

I don't know, but I do know right now, that I have gotten over Blob and I could just be platonic friends with him, that that is all I'll ever want to have with him again. And I don't really know for sure, but I think, to get over Khalis, I really need to have zero contact with him for a long while after.

Fuck my feelings. I wish they didn't exist. Because both of them were/are good friends. And to sacrifice the friendships that I had with each of them and change the dynamics forever. I don't know if it's worth it. Either ways, I just cannot get my feelings hurt even worse.

Before yesterday, I was all eager to re-read Huda's email and reply it, because that's another thing that I love and makes me happy, but now I'm just not in the mood. This sucks. I want to punch a punching bag. I hate my feelings. I wish everybody had like a tag they were born with, to show who they would end up with, and who we're supposed to fall for.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

I'M OUT OF SIGHT, I'M OUT OF MIND

2012-01-13T19:21:00.001+08:00

(music: Lego House - Ed Sheeran)

I'm gonna pick up the pieces,
and build a lego house
if things go wrong we can knock it down

On Wednesday, I met Jamie at 313. We had Maggie Moo's ice cream.

I chose Smore Fun Than a Campfire (BEST FLAVOUR EVER. Okay I think a lot of ice-cream flavours are the best. ever.) and some banana thing.

Jamie and I talked for a while and we exchanged our stuff and then I settled Reen's shoes!

I went home, washed the toilet because my mother asked me to, received a hug for it (HAHA best), and then I went back out for dinner with my Tasty besties.

We went to Seoul Garden Hotpot at Harbourfront Centre, it was their first time there! We shared one bibimbap, one hotpot and one pancake. Shahida couldn't join us for dinner 'cos she had to OT at work, but she joined us slightly later.

As usual, we talked nonsense, wondering why the chopsticks were metal, and making up our own non-scientific reasons, and Fiq said "post a nost-it" instead of "paste a post-it"?!

We got dessert and drinks from McD's then headed to the "riverside", in front of the Vivo boardwalk, and Shahida joined us there.

Shah was excitedly smelling the soaps that Fiq had given each of us, and she desperately wanted to try to guess the different scents. The thing is she gets too carried away and she guesses things that are so out of this world, when the answers are actually rather simple.

Once, I was dressed as Alice in Wonderland for somebody's party, Shahida wanted to guess it, and she said "OH I KNOW I KNOW! The Dutch Lady milk maid!"

....She never gets it right, even though she's always sure that she has the answer. -.-

When she was gonna guess honey, she said, "sandalwood!" and all kinds of cheem things. We gave her a hint that it was food-ish and breakfasty.

Shahida: "pancake!"
Us: "sweeter, like a condiment"
Shahida: "maple syrup!"
Us: "close.. something that gets confused with it..."
Shahida: "whipped cream!"
Us: "WHAT EVEN?!"

Finally, she got honey.

And then we were talking about the year ahead, and birthdays, and non-surprises. Fiq was saying "ya, if we want surprises, Atiqah can get them from Mike, and I can get from Saiful ---"

AND suddenly Shahida lashes out at us, "THEN ME?! Who am I gonna get from, MY BOSS?!" and it was such an unexpected outburst, Fiq was taken aback for a while.

Also, I think Fiq and I were laughing or being judgmental about something (Fiq and I are always side-eyeing the rest about things, like, 'girls are you fo srs?!'") and then Shahida said, "I wanna show you all a face from my memeface app!"

And she showed us this, which further amused us that she had such an app, and couldn't just do the expression straight on her face.

It fascinated me that you can copy the faces to use in other things, like messages!

After lots of laughter and words and us being us together, we went in and took a few photos. We were just about to take our first photo by ourselves, when this very straightforward lady just hurried towards us, took Tiqs' phone and said "I help you all take lah! how to take like that!"

We kinda had no say in it, but well, her kind intentions are very much appreciated. This was the photo we were somewhat pushed into having taken by a stranger.

Regardless, we managed to fit in some self-camwhore photos taken by ourselves. :)

That was a lovely night, and these are the gifts we each got from Fiq.

Pieces of soap, a notebook and an incense/aromatherapy oil burner? Mine was scented Princess Rose, awww! ^-^v

I'd guess that she picked out my notebook based on the pink cover. ;)

When I first smelt these soaps, even in their packaging, I wanted to jizz.

Fiq says she got them from Lush, which is newly-opened in Wisma, and she said she saw from my blogpost that I'd gotten a soap from Ekta, which was from Lush too, sooo. Ya, you know that feeling that you get when you wanna get something but someone else gets there first? Mm I doubt there's an exact word for that, but she felt it.

One can't have too many jizzworthy soaps!

This is angel's delight. GLITTER IN SOAP. The smell is just as amazing I want to eat it and puke glitter and unicorns.

This is the honey soap. I like this, it's sweestest in the most natural way!

And the last one was candycane-scented, and I didn't take a photo of it because my battery died. That is all.

*
Yesterday, after work, I headed to NUS for my first ever drum circle. It sounds like a cult. But it isn't. I was quite nervous prior to it because 1) I am an awkward turtle and I get tense meeting new people and 2) I'm not even from NUS.

Anyway, I went to Eusoff Hall with Khalis and then I saw the band room which had so many nice instruments, I had thoughts of stealing one (or a few) and running away with them.

Khalis formally introduced the percussion instruments to us, like the conga, bongo, djembe, the bass drum, snare drum, etc.

Because he was the leader/instructor of the group, he had the privilege/authority of singling me out, and when I was reading a text message, he said to the group "I don't like it when people text in my sessions" and then he said "no I'm kidding". What an ass.

In any case, it was fun. I played a percussion instrument without my drumsticks for the first time, and it was... I don't know how to describe it. It was fun and I think it was great in the sense that I was playing something in the presence of other people for the first time, and that's a totally different experience from playing in a studio with only Khalis to make fun of me. I think it slightly increased my confidence?

And then we left NUS.

We were on a bus back to Clementi and we were standing in the (what else but?) standing area behind some seats. So there was a tall, big-build guy on my left closer to the seats at the back, then some space, then me, then some space, then the seats in front. Khalis was standing somewhat in the middle of the bus, facing me.

And then I don't know whether the driver jam-braked or whatever, but the tall guy lost his balance, slid towards me and completely squashed me against the seat in front. It was so much impact, my bag was slammed in between the seat and the adjacent bus window, and my bag strap broke.

Also it was so much impact that I couldn't get back up for quite a while and all I could do in the span of ten seconds was say "fuck!?" and actually if you'd been witnessing it, it was indeed rather funny, even I was smiling at myself, so the tall guy was laughing at the scenario too.

BUT, Khalis was upset and he snapped at the guy "you still can laugh?!" so I said it was okay. Then there was a crowd of people trying to move into the bus, but Khalis said "I don't wanna move in, I'm scared if I move in, I'll terlangar, or terpijak someone ('accidentally' knock someone or step on his feet)".

So I had to pull him in beside me, and tell him that the guy squashing me had done so unintentionally. Although I was for some reason really glad that Khalis was pissed off on my behalf, I was even happier to be holding his arm and moving him nearer towards me.

The point of this story is HOW LONG AM I GOING TO BE IN LOVE WITH HIM HOMAIGAAAAA. Who am I lying to, seriously?! I am crazy, or I am going to be. How long? How long?! How long will it be of me having an urge to hold his hand or to ruffle his hair, or to just smile at him for no reason whatsoever, and pretending that I'm NOT?

This is going nowhere. I can't even talk to him about it. I can't, I just can't. I need to either face my feelings, or wait them out until they're really gone before I talk to him again, like I am with Blob. But I don't want to. Macam mana ni, apa nak jadi.

If you know me, you'd know my face is like this >8:O/S I don't even know what that is, it's just I am secretly thrilled but dismayed and shocked and confused and upset and annoyed at myself and I'm rolling my eyes at myself and giving myself a side-eye. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. It is one or the other.

That is all.

*
Today, I met Han in the morning and we ran at the NUS track. Even though you might think it is only running, I think running is one of my favourite things to do with Han. We both become a bit delirious and talk nonsense, and I hope Tiqs joins us for the run after her tutorial next week!

Shahida, Han, Tiqs and I had lunch at Science. The steamed chicken was quite nice. We all had juice. Han ordered them in takeaway plastic cups, even though NUS is trying to "fight climate change". >:( It was a nice lunch, as anything always is with my best girls.

That is all. I'm tired. My feelings tire me out. Mati mampos.

BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN

2012-01-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

(music: Brighter than the Sun - Colbie Caillat)

On Thursday, I met up with the #TVWhores at Simpang.

I had the lamb shawarma wrap. As always, the accompanying chips were very nice. They're my favourite chips from all of Singapore. Along with Kettles' chicken chips.

After I was done with my food, Shameen and I commenced our drinks challenge. She'd witnessed my hyperactivity on the night I'd had the teh peng challenge with Mike, and she was on for a drinks challenge, so it was game on.

Our first 4 cups of sirap limau.

4 cups each and we were.... slowing down.....

Li-wen was cheering on Meen and Viv was my cheerleader. Somebody was telling me to flirt with the guy who kept taking our sirap limau orders, so we'd get some discount. Because I was full of sirap limau and not in the proper mindset to make decisions, I actually attempted to HAHAHA.

After 5 cups each, Meen and I discussed.... Because the loser had to pay for all the drinks, and each cup of sirap limau was $2.20 (fucking daylight robbery, although it was nighttime) so we'd already chalked up $11 each.

Neither of us wanted to lose and fork out $22, but we were really full to bursting (and I'd just eaten the wraps, whereas Meen had eaten at home!) so... we called truce and drew and paid for our own cups, then made a gangway for the toilets.

I definitely wasn't as affected as I'd been after the #tehpengchallenge. I wasn't bouncing up and down in my own house at 4am, Tweeting nonsense and irritating everyone, even myself. Thank goodness sirap limau has no caffeine. The caffeine in 5 cups of teh peng made me want to kill myself.

No more challenges, please. Not in a long time. I'd prefer to just eat and enjoy some proper conversation.

*
On Friday, my little sisters showed me three kittens under our block. They were housed in someone's bicycle basket, but they're no longer there. :(

Precious little kitties! ♥

I laughed at my own joke. -.-
*
Yesterday Lyssa and I went to the pasar malam near our house, in the day.

We bought keropok lekor, cheese hotdog, char kway, roti john and chicken kebabs for lunch. That is all.

In the evening, I went for Reen's belated 21st birthday party.

Get the pun?

We were supposed to hang the leaf messages on the branches!

The party was so very colourful and it was carousel-themed and so very Reen.

Birthday girl. :)

I ate lots of savoury stuff, then lots of sugary sweet stuff.

Wondering whether to eat the cupcake or the sugar/brownie/lollipop thing first.

Reen had a jar of old-school candies, like you know the foot thing that you dip in soury powder that will pop in your mouth? I took home a few old-school stuff. Tim was forcing everybody to take a stick of some sour sweet, there were different colours and Tim was peddling it as drugs. Typical. -.-

Hisham was there, and he saw my bby on my BB wallpaper, and he asked "is that the Levitt guy? what's his name, Jordan?" and I died a little inside. JORDAN?! JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT TO YOU. He was wearing a T-shirt with SNSD'S Tiffany print, I shoulda called her Timpani. >:(

I said I liked Sooyoung more, he called her Long Legs. Sooyoung is more than long legs. She's the cutest, and sweetest and funniest.

Also met and caught up with Dilah and Zakiah there, it was nice! :) Got to meet Dilah's Londoner boyfriend, whom Hisham was proud to have taken a photo with, hahaha ape je. (But his accent is nice, hello speaking Lon-don leh.)

Anyway, the cake was a carousel with a pretzel centre, and it could not have been more suitable for Reen.

So effing pretty!

She is so pretty, both inside and out and I'm glad if anybody got to have such a happy, wonderful, whimsical party it's her. I hope for the best for her, I pray to God that things work out in every aspect. She deserves sweetness and love and kindness!

:)

I LOVED THE PARTY FAVOURS.

They were jars of sand or glitter or little things in different colours and were supposed to represent potions or mixes from different stories: there were things from Harry Potter, like Felix Felicis, gold and creates luck, and there was pixie dust, from Peter Pan, etc.

I got this and the glitter is really purple and pink and pretty! This is the most powerful love potion in the Harry Potter world, and it creates infatuation. Is it not adorable?

Snape's Tears! I think Tim took this.

Tim left with me, thank goodness for him, that I never have to walk out of unfamiliar places alone when I go for HTM thingers or whatever. He really does protect me and take care of me, ever since our first semester in TP, thank the Lord for gentlemanly guy friends.

He's gonna ORD in June, and then he's off overseas for studies, then how?! ;( Haha no la, I'm more than fine by myself. #feminismfirst

*
Today I went for lunch at the airport with Bhav-u. (said like in Kolaveri Di: moon-u moon-u white-uh white-uh hehehehe.)

She treated me to Sakae Sushi! She's the best! She's like my personal reviewer too. She'll tell me about all the good movies and she went for Wicked, so she filled me in. I'm glad she's enjoying herself step by step. :)

We had some hiccups while trying to mail Shereen's and Irene's gifts overseas, but all was settled.
*
I read this when I got home:

Re-kindling the lost act of emailing with Sarah. I love how wordy our crazy emails are, and that seriously nobody else would have the patience to get through all the crazy we type to each other. I am grateful for Sarah because we try to fix each other as much as we can, and when all else fails, we speak Minah and laugh like crazy. It's completely mind-boggling how similar and yet so completely different we are. I don't know how or why it is as such! All I know is a lot of times, no one quite gets it the way Sarah does and for that I am grateful.

Reverse it, put Huda instead of Sarah, and there you have what I feel for her. HAHAHA #sosimilarithurts #duakalilimasebelas

I read her email again before I replied it (her email puts the most sensible wise person in the world to shame), and again, the meme image she'd generated made me laugh aloud.

HAHAHA the FACE. The FACE. (And the words, but.) THE FACE.

I love it, love her and her words and the feelings I have reading her words. I don't know, it's just, there should be a word to describe this situation and this relationship and this... thing, but maybe not in English and even if there was an English word I don't know what it is. Oh Huda.

In any case, I know life is tough, love doesn't always work out, and friends are hard to keep, and parents are hard to fight, and it goes on but for today, let me just tell you, you have a friend in me.

I am counting my blessings again for knowing all of you, you mean so much to me, and I'm still talking about only girls. Thank you for helping me, for being there, for sharing things with me, and I sincerely hope one day things will work out, and if it's not today, one day it will. You're all good, and deserve good things.

I need to either tell somebody my feelings, or get rid of them. It doesn't get any easier. It never does. But it's alright. Feelings are alright. Love is alright.

HOW OLD IS YOUR SOUL?

2012-01-04T19:15:00.001+08:00

(music: I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz)

Last Friday, the last Friday of 2011, I went to meet Chloe for desserts. I used to call her Chloser 'cos Aaron called her that. #apeje Aaron :P

We went to Udders at Novena, the drawing is so cute! It's a reincow.

I had the Snickers Mars honeycomb vanilla which I obviously love because it is heaps of sweetness. Chloe had rum and raisin which I didn't taste because I've been teetotal for more than a year, I deserve a standing ovation yo!

I think teetotal is a very funny word.

Next, we went to Twelve Cupcakes at United Square where I saw this girl who looked very familiar but could not place her at all. Then she said, "ZA la!" LOL Lyssa and I had met her at the Za dress-up event and I forgot her. I think she's Elizabeth.

We had salted caramel cupcake, peanut butter chocolate and red velvet. Salted caramel was the sweetest. I'm not even gonna tell you which my favourite was.

Chloe and her new spectacles. I give up on spectacles.

*
On Saturday, I went out to meet the Tasties to count down to 2012. We got quite a bit of food (the take-away packaging from The Soup Spoon is adorbz!) went to Promontory@Marina Bay, spread out our so-called picnic mat and exchanged gifts.

This package was from Han.

She'd given each of us a selection of tea, facial masks, lip balms and nail buffers.

The heart-shaped nail buffers.

I'm going to love using this.

My lip balm is sweet-cream-flavoured and it smells and tastes like vanilla essence. The Tasties think I have this sort of disorder that makes me taste everything that smells yummy (as in edible yummy, I will illustrate with an example later).

Shahida baked us a cookie-brownie (or brownie-cookie?). I think brownie cookie!

It's a brownie baked atop a layer of cookie so it's soft and then it's crunchy and it's delicious! :D

She also got us a heart-shaped container. When I saw that Shahida had written us each a letter, I told her "later I read then I cry! D:" and then she expected me to really cry but I didn't, because I'm not that sensitive--

(Lyssa will tell you otherwise because most of the time she is over at our house, I cry once. like on Monday I cried after my mother had hidden behind a wall and given me a huge shock, and it was such a shock that when I screamed, Lyssa who had been holding her phone to film my reaction was also shocked and she shook her phone HAHAHA that was funny, I was sobbing and laughing. on another note, please to not be giving me scares. my heart sincerely detests it. I can only be scared when I'm prepared, like for bungy.)

and because I had make-up on, and I don't cry at EVERYTHING, I just love hyperbole. -.-

Tiqs had gone to Australia for a holiday in December and she got each of us a soap. Fiq's was something mint, Han's was French something something, I don't remember Shahida's at all, and mine is rose geranium! I couldn't smell it that night, because my nose was clogged and the more I tried to sniff in the soap, the more I had a headache so I stopped.

Now I can smell it and THIS smells nice. But it's floral-smelling. And tentatively I don't think flowers are a very culinary item for me, so I don't feel like eating this soap at all.

However, once upon a time, years ago, I was smelling mango body butter in Marks & Spencer (not sure whether it was with Han or I was alone) and it smelt so much like mango and so sweet I was convinced it had to be edible so I licked it and I gagged and my tastebuds died because it was all chemicals.

That's why the Tasties think when I smell something nice, I always want to eat it. Later we have another example that will prove their point.

These are our hopes for 2012.

And these are the fireworks. :)

I love that it was reflected in the buildings.

Heading home was quite a chore, but transportation was better than expected. NYE was nice, but what matters is definitely the year ahead, and many more. Fiq didn't join us 'cos she was really sick. That reminds me, I'm supposed to ask if she's free for Tasties dinner on Friday. Okay done.

*
On the first day of this year, I went for brunch with Bhavs, Ekta and Nay at Veganburg. It was my first time there!

I had the tom yam burger which I didn't really like. It was more of the sour kind of tomyam than spicy.

I like the ambience, very chill, naturally minimalistic.

Ekta gave us gifts and mine was bubblegum-scented soap!

It smells really really really really damn nice though. Does it not look like a giant block of Sugus or Fruitella candy?! IT DOES. It smells like it too.

This is me being stupid and thinking that bubblegum-scented soap may taste like bubblegum. You may facepalm my face now. THIS IS WHY you shouldn't give me anything that smells like food. Just give me food.

*
I was really dissatisfied with my first experience at Veganburg, and I really wanted to try their mushroom burger, so.... I went back on Monday! Logical win.

Rebecca bought honey lemon drink for myself and Viv because the three of us were sick! 500000 points to Becca for being so sweet and thoughtful.

I had the creamy mushroom burger and THIS WAS THE REAL VEGANBURG DEAL. Never tasted a burger with no meat that tastes so damn good! It's so yummy you'll forget that it's vegetarian.

Yay for Veganburg! Yummy, healthy, environmentally-friendly! :)

Oh, Becca had just returned from Australia also, and I got a boomerang keychain from her. I will not tell you who it reminds me of, will not say that someone I know had a boomerang on his wall. NO points for guessing who. In fact, demerit points for correct guesses so everybody guess wrongly now!

Okay la. What. He's still a friend. And it's not like he owns Australia. Things only have meaning when I give it meaning. If I stop giving meaning to such things, it will not mean anything. Such is life. One day, nothing will have any meaning. Except God. Hurhurhur! See, I am an enlightened believer.

Anywaaaaay, even though I'd planned to head home after lunch to sleep my sickness away, I got guilted by Viv into following them to Parkway, on account of Rebecca having bought us honey lemon. Chey what only. Becca neh say anything also, Viv so kaypoh go and guilt-trip me! :P

Andrea joined us when we were at Parkway, so thus commenceth the dirtieth talketh.

Me: "Eh, frosty balls. The bear's balls are cold." Andrea: "You must put the balls in your mouth to warm them up!"

We went to Candylicious...

I bought white chocolate Reese's! Never saw it before.

White chocolate (which is not actually chocolate 'cos it has no cocoa content, YES I KNOW) and peanut butter, YUMMM EXPLODING WITH SWEETNESS.

Anyway, Parkway Parade is kinda catered to rich privileged people living in Marine Parade (IDK if Andrea can be classified as one, but she's my friend so I will have double standards :P) so there are a lot of organic/healthy living/natural shops there. We walked past a blood type supplementary store.

I am blood type B - strong immune system! Hurhur see this is why I only fall sick once a year! ;D (should ask the Tasties what their blood types are, sekali it's also B. habis.)

We also walked past a store called... Actually I forgot what it's called! Whoo, go me! Which I would probably have liked and taken forever to decide on what to spend on. So... I didn't go in!

I looked at the stuff from the display outside. It's cute! "Act as if in advert." "Hang on wall and look at." Cute!

We saw a guy holding a "sure-win" lucky dip box, so each of us took a turn and went to Citigems to redeem our "free surprise gifts" and "gift vouchers".

All of us got the star pendant, Andrea and I got the bracelet whilst Becca and Viv got some vouchers along with the pendant. Umm okay can.

I left soon afterwards because my mother was guilting me (she actively enjoys doing this) and also because I wanted chilli crab for dinner!

Along with chilli crab, we also ordered two dishes too many because my mother never listens to me. We had steamed fish, kung pow chicken, hotplate tofu, sambal squid, sambal kangkong and tom yam seafood soup.

The next few photos are taken by Aqilah using my camera.

Nah, this is one of my 1001 unglam states you can be caught in.

I'm eating chilli crab with painted nails. The last time I had a manicure and ate tulang merah, I wore plastic gloves.

This is one of Lyssa's 1001 "WHY ARE YOU TAKING MY PHOTO?!" faces.

This is Arina doing something stupid like one of the many things she does to warrant our side-eyeing forever, except we don't really give Arina the side-eye forever, sometimes we go to sleep. This is the side-eye coined by either Andrea or Viv. -._-. (the dashes are eyebrows, the dots are eyes, the underscore is the mouth.)

While on the topic of family, let me introduce you to Aqilah's strengths. She is a natural-born mother, like our mother, I reckon. Lyssa, Arina and I will never be as motherly as Aqilah.

She treated her panda plush as a babydoll, placed it on Arina's neck cushion, wrapped a blanket around it, and there's even a finishing touch.

There is a tiny dog toy placed beside the panda that is supposedly its teddy bear.

It's so cute, I want to slap her. -._-.

*
Yesterday I met Khalis for lunch before our drumming session. I initially didn't recognise him at the bus stop because he'd cut his hair. In the 1 year and 5 months that I've actually met up with him as friends, I've never seen him with short hair, it's always been long.

Then I realised the guy with (relatively) short hair was him! It's even shorter than my hair now! *gasp* :O

In my opinion it's very nice! I was really surprised to see he had short hair, plus I thought it was a very nice haircut and he looked very.. nice and good. It's quite cool ah, I think he has an undercut on one side (although I'm not sure if it's an undercut, do I look like I know anything about hair? mine's always a mess) and the other side rather longish.

I liked it 'cos it's cool and he looks very nice (OMG VOCAB, SARAH) with it and it's so unlike any normal boring guy haircuts. But he doesn't like it. *shrug*

Anyway, we had lunch and he was talking about music being watered-down and indie singers singing like they're lazy and watching some BBC show about the seven ages of rock and Lady Gaga capable of doing more but only doing what she's doing because she knows what sells and she's doing just that and people like Bruce Springsteen writing real lyrics and not just repeating one line as a hook like Gaga does and Khalis, in his talk, was going all over the place like this paragraph.

I tried to ask him what his point was, three times, and he'd try to go back to the main idea, but halfway through, he'd move on to something else, and I said "what is your one line of thought?" and I think he made it to "the direction that music is taking is the opposite of what it should be, it shouldn't be about streamlining it towards the audience so it's more listenable/sellable."

Music Critique 1003: A+

And then we started drumming. While we were drumming, the owner of the studio popped in and tried to give us tips on playing and learning, because Khalis didn't wanna tell him that he was a professional drummer, so I kept trying not to laugh nor look at Khalis.

Then when the pakcik guy left, Khalis was muttering about "I don't like, you know, this kind of people --- waste time-- don't know what they're saying - I know la" etc etc. It was funny but I didn't wanna laugh lest he got pissed at me, too.

I played for the first hour, and then it was Khalis' turn to play for the next hour, so I Tweeted in the meantime (logical, right?).

Khalis started doing the things I do when I get frustrated with myself while playing the drums. He rolled his eyes, and muttered "bodoh nak mampos" to himself, and hit randomly and he kept saying "guess who?" and he did the same stupid things I do like go "egrurghhh!" and I got annoyed because I KNOW the things I do are annoying, he doesn't have to mimic or mock me.

So I kept Tweeting and apparently flooding people's Twitter timelines (y'all have got to follow more active accounts yaw, try @rightclick5ave/@azaleaful and you won't think I spam, ever again) until the end of the session.

On the way down, we saw a dry riser, and Khalis was explaining to me about how the fire hose has a female and male end, and the male end goes into the female end (HAHAHA WHO THOUGHT OF THIS) and how dry risers and wet risers work.

Firefighting 1001: A+

Anyway, then I went off to Pasir Ris for a chalet, but I received a text from Khalis saying he'd gone to my Twitter after the drumming session and he was sorry for being annoying and "thank you for letting me teach you".

So I got really flustered because I didn't see that coming, and I'd just woken up on the bus at Tampines. Half the time I'm on transportation I am groggy with sleep. The other half I'm Tweeting.

I don't know why, he sounded dejected. The only other time I remember him being so dejected is this time when his architecture coursework hadn't received a good grade and he was getting disillusioned with the tutors and on the one hand, saying they wanted to see creativity, yet cookie-cutter work was expected from students.

Regardless, I think I'd made him feel like an incompetent teacher by Tweeting that I wanted a new drumming teacher. He is nothing incompetent. He is brilliant, and his lessons nothing short of amaze and thrill me.

I love the fact that I must be learning at a really slow pace, and he still consistently encourages me and tells me "good job" and he doesn't tell me off, and he just lets me have fun while at the same time making sure I take away something new at the end of every session.

Yesterday, he let me try playing open hi-hat. The weird thing was I'd just Tweeted about wanting to try it a few days prior, so I was pleasantly surprised (IDK if he read my Tweet about it, IDK how many of my Tweets he's read).

He's so sweet, like he lets me learn what I wanna, and he's flexible and all this time, he's imparting knowledge that could earn him money but he does it for free. And then he plays during his session and I get to watch and observe him. Whatever he says or seems to believe, he's a professional drummer according to what I see, so I appreciate his time and effort.

The only thing that gets to me is when he makes fun of me by doing all those nonsensical things I do, that I feel very self-conscious about. It really annoys me that he mirrors my annoying actions, and it doesn't help at all. It's like a slippery slope, a cycle.

I really hope my new drumming teacher (if I manage to engage one soon) is as lenient as Khalis is, but less annoying. If I wanted to be annoyed, I have one constant source.

Just in case it's not obvious enough, I roll my eyes mostly because he makes me laugh even when he annoys me, so I roll my eyes to distract and detract from the fact that his stupid annoying things are actually amusing me and making me laugh.

(This is an exception, the rest of the time when I roll my eyes, it is because I really want to and many people are deserving of it, yep.)

Khalis, sorry ah. Sorry. Forgive me? Favour ah. I buy you chocolates. Reese's peanut buttercups. Anything you like. Ice-cream? Swensen's! Apa-apa ah. You need to return my DVDs anyway. ;P And I'm sorry for saying all that ah, you so sweet seh. And so nice. Thank you for everything. And of course, even though your school semester is starting, if you have time, you are still my default drumming teacher.

Okay can? Okay go.

If you're wondering, I don't know. I don't know what Khalis is to me. He's my default go-to guy, but I don't know if it's because there's nobody else, but it's something I will never know. Okay there's Tim but Tim. I don't know. Just, Tim. I don't know if Khalis is my good friend or a casual friend or a best friend or a drumming teacher who no longer is my drumming teacher. He's there.

I don't even know what I would call a best friend, but there is some stuff that I have now told him that I don't know if I'll ever get to tell Blob, things I haven't even told my best friends the Tasties, things about my family, etc. So, what? I don't know what either. Don't ask me what.

Wow. If you read all that, you must be Huda. HAHA, I hope. I don't know why anyone would read so much text.

Now, for the chalet! We went cycling to White Sands.

We cycled and then had a new person join us from White Sands back to the chalet, so somebody had to tompang another person. At first it was Mike letting Atiqah sit on his bikeframe, poor girl, it looked like it was very uncomfortable.

Because it looked like it hurt, she ended up getting her own bicycle back and one of the guys would give the new guys a seat on his bike.

Mike played the guess the next lyric song, with Tiqs and Haikal and myself and it was fun despite sounding lame hahaha.

Apparently Fitri took this photo while we were cycling. I don't know how he does it, with just his iPhone and Instagram but some people, like Atiqah could take a leaf out of his photography book. :P

We played cards.

We took about 10 minutes before even playing the first game. The first time the cards were dealt, we were missing a card, so we sorted the deck out and realised one of the cards was stuck behind another. The second time it was dealt, we were still missing a card, and despite checking every single card, there was no stuck card.

We were getting worried that "somebody" didn't want us to play the cards and we weren't meant to play, but finally we found the missing card under Mike's butt, he'd been sitting on it after we found it the first time, I don't even know how. O.o

Mike (upon opening the fridge): "ANAK SIAPA LETAK GAYUNG DALAM ESBOK NI?!"

It was fun, even though Tiqs and I didn't stay over. My mother was actually surprised I went back home. -.-

Okay for the first post of the year, this has been quite long. Have a good 2012, y'all!

NEW ENDINGS AND HAPPY BEGINNINGS

2011-12-31T04:34:00.005+08:00

2011 has been such a year. I wouldn't categorise it as a good or bad year, wouldn't be able to. It's had ups and downs, but that's life; there's the good with the bad, the happy and the sad, and there's no changing anything but the way you feel about it.

One of the most significant things of 2011 has to be discovering my mother's stage 3 breast cancer. Life is now sorted into "before cancer" and "after cancer", honestly and seriously. When we first found out, I was angry at her because she'd delayed going for a check-up for at least two months, telling herself it would be nothing.

It wasn't nothing, and it had escalated to stage 3, possibly in the two most recent months during which she'd already felt the lumps. It's been about four to five months since the diagnosis though, and now we've already kind of accepted and settled into the treatment and dealing with it part.

You know, there's a saying that a cliché is only a cliché because it's true. And that saying is true.

Every cloud has a silver lining (though I don't know who came up with this, WHO EVER SAW A REAL CLOUD WITH A SILVER LINING?) or even the worst events may be a blessing in disguise, or whatever, take your pick of similar clichés.

I think my mindset and I have changed ever since I realised my mother has cancer and I understood the ultimate mortality of everything and everyone. One could even go so far as to say the cancer was to teach me a lesson.

I used to complain a lot, about transport and living standards and the government and the lack of money and not having Internet WiFi connection everywhere and not having the best and latest phone and gaining weight and basically, whatever I had to complain about, I probably would have.

Of course I haven't stopped complaining completely, but I suppose I have toned it down by some. Now, most days, I realise life is a blessing and a privilege and I shouldn't waste it by whining about what it's not.

I am actually internally glad if I get to complain about the queue for bus 969 at Tampines interchange winding around forever because at least it means i) I am in Singapore and no matter what, the bus service will get me home and ii) I am not in Rwanda or Iraq or Thailand or whatever, where there is perpetual war or the traffic is always a bitch or there is a protest going on somewhere and people lose their lives.

You see? The problem those people have is facing actual problems whereas my problem is not reading enough newspapers to be aware of other people's problems. Compared to them, I obviously do not even really have a problem.

I definitely am not glad my mother has cancer, but being faced with the idea of mortality, I became much more appreciative and grateful towards life. The odds were against my mother, and they are against my sisters and myself, so lest anything happens, I might as well make the best of what I am and what I have right this moment.

I know it's difficult for people who are not in my position to fully appreciate what I feel, because I might've continued being a nitpicky, whiny, ungrateful person if I wasn't me, and if my mother hadn't gotten cancer. I totally get it. Unless you're facing it yourself, you may never see the world for what it is and how other people are getting through it. They're barely surviving, and us, we're freaking thriving in our society, man.

Just, try not to sweat the small stuff, but notice the little things in life. Do it as a favour to me, and (hopefully) yourself. If your parents nag you, be glad they nag, because you know they care for you. Tell them you love them. In fact, tell everybody whom you love, that you love them. It doesn't have to be because life is short, but just because you feel it and it will make their day, so if you love them, it will make your day too.

Actually, I kinda take that back. Do it precisely because life is short. Everything is temporary. You may lose someone to death and departure from this world, you may lose them to the next girl who he falls in love with, you may lose your best friend(s) to a misunderstanding, your favourite celebrity to the one female celebrity you didn't want him to end up with.

Tell them. Tell them how you feel, because one day, everything may change (not that I get to tell Joseph Gordon-Levitt that I love him, and please don't marry Zooey hahahah).

*
Henceforth, I shall begin my thank-yous for 2011.

1. The Tasty Bunch

It has been eight years since we started being friends. I find it weird that after 8 years, we've never counted down to a new year together. Tomorrow/tonight's a first! There's a first time for everything, and next year, all five of us will go for a holiday trip together, for reals. :)

Through eight years, we've put up with a lot of shit from one another. There's always a particular thing we had about each of us:

Shahida and her tardiness and her blatant misinformation about her whereabouts, Atiqah and her tendency to bring Mike along for outings without informing us, Syafiqin and her last-minute backing-out of plans made with us, whether due to other people or no, and Han's constant insistent refusal at letting anyone in and sharing her true feelings with us.

Have you guessed what's mine yet? Mine is impatience and a lack of EQ and a need to be forthright about all my feelings, that I tend to hurt other people's feelings.

I think certain events this year happened and then made it such that all 5 of us somewhat toned down on all our non-ideal traits. I think Shahida is more punctual, Atiqah sometimes meets us without Mike or we are told in advance.

Syafiqin hasn't backed out for a long time (I hope she gets that it's fine if she wants to meet her other friends in her free time, it's not like we'd take offence or wouldn't understand that she has other social circles too! we're her friends and she should trust us enough to let us know!).

Han, I don't know, has she been more open this year? I guess so, which is why certain things transpired the way they did.

In spite of the fact that we've all improved on our respective bad habits (I hope they feel the same about me!), they are still the best friends I have and I know why. It's because we all know of one another's flaws and yet we are still so close to each other.

You always know the worst things about your best friends. That way, no matter what, you can depend on them and predict them to be and do the things that you know they do, that is part of them, that becomes something you hate, and yet something you love anyway, because it's a person you love.

I want to thank Atiqah, Hanisah, Shahida and Syafiqin because they know me and all my idiosyncracies, all my weirdness, my tendency to be tactless, my quirks, everything bad and wrong about me, they've seen me at my worst, and they still accept and love me. For 8 whole years they've put up with me. Thank you for being my sisters from 4 different mothers hahahaha.

I love you four. At this moment in time, I'd trust you with my heart and my life. Even if anything happens in future, even if this is only temporary like everything else, remember we once had this.

You know, it's very rare that five of us sit down and actually talk about our lives and feelings. When it's the five of us, it's always a fun-packed activity kind of day, that we don't even actually get to be best friends with each other. I hope 2012 brings more time and sessions for us to talk and be each other's girlfriends.

2. Blob/Wei-Xun

3 full years and the circle has finally come to a complete close. In December 2008, I fell in love with him and continued being in love with him for years and months but now in December 2011, I don't love him anymore. A lot happened in between.

We loved each other, then tried to break up, then fell deeper for each other, then tried to break up, then tried to date other people (on my part) then ended up hurting each other, and other parties, then I hated him and other parties whenever any other girl was involved, then I finally got over it and realised he was his own person and I am mine.

This is not a love story. This is a story about love. (If you don't recognise this, I bid you adieu, please no longer be my friend. HAHA I'm kidding, I'm supposed to be more accepting, remember!)

Anyway, thank you Blob, for the three years of whatever we had. Thank you for loving me for however long you loved me, and thank you for letting me love you, and thank you for the relationship or whatever dynamics that both us learnt from and grew as people.

Thank you for taking care of me. I am somewhat flu-ish now and I remember you would insist that I take some of your Vitamin C tablets whenever I was falling sick. Or insist that I sleep early when I had been lacking rest. Or whatever it is you did to ensure my well-being.

Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being my listening ear, whenever I needed one. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder for whatever reason I had, thank you for still being the one I cried to when I found out my mum had cancer.

Thank you for the sweet things you did for me. For being manja, despite the fact that you didn't want other people to laugh at you or mock you, for the many fictional characters we made up. Thank you for drawing TBC and KBB so many times and buying me the koala from Australia. Thank you for the cutesy songs, for playing the guitar and singing Malay songs for me like a Mat would do for his Minah, for teaching me about constellations in the night sky, for folding me hearts on our first Valentine's Day (2009).

Thank you for standing up for me. For making me fight for my chances. For letting me know what I was worth in the debating circuit, nothing more or less than what I needed to hear. You were always a good leader, and I was proud to be the vice-president to your presidency.

There was all this and more that we had and that we did for our love and that you did for me. I loved you for all of those and for who you were to me. But now you are not that person to me, and you don't do such things for me. So I don't love you. I hope you know I don't mean this in the slightest malicious way at all, it's not that I don't want to love you because you don't deserve to be loved. I don't love you because our dynamics have changed, and the love just does not exist.

You are my friend, you were always my good friend even before everything, and I thank you for letting me have the chance of being in love with and loving my best friend, like the song Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Let's hope it happens again for me, though I think it may already happen for you.

Thank you so much for teaching me about life, love, learning to grow as a person. I finally realised that I don't need to love anyone else to stop being in love with someone. I just need to stop loving that person. Everything else will fall in place, when the time is right.

3. Khalis

Thank you to Khalis for being my friend. I know, I know! Some people are like "Sarah, why and how do you, time and again, stay friends with the people who break your heart?!" and I guess, why not? I was friends with them before I was in love, and they're still the same people who are worth the friendships.

In any case, after so many times of re-watching (500) Days of Summer, I have to admit Tom played a part in his own delusional relationship and his heartbreak, and similarly, so did I in my own.

Thank you to Khalis for continuing to be friends with me despite the fact that he knew I was angry, betrayed, hurt and I called him a jerk and an asshole et cetera et cetera, and despite the fact that I blocked him on MSN and he had to actually email my sister Lyssa hahahaha that was weird.

Thank you for teaching me that sometimes, friendships are worth fighting for and keeping close even if relationships don't work out.

Thank you for being my voice of reason, for cheering me up countless times, whether it's about my mum, or about the Tasties, or work, or whatever. Thank you for making me laugh effortlessly, you have a genuine talent for nonsense that keeps me smiling.

Thank you for the moments of sweetness, I will forever appreciate you playing the guitar for myself and Han for our birthday. And making our model houses.

Thank you for offering to the Tasties to teach me to drum, because it really lessened the burden on them, and I really very much appreciate it because if you hadn't offered, I don't know if I'd have ever started. And I'm so thankful about the lessons.

Thank you for the inspiring drum lessons. I love watching you drum so I can aspire to drum as well as you someday. Thank you for the call after our Tuesday session, and telling me that you'll send ninja assassins to kill me (hahaha how motivational) if I don't put in effort to fulfill my drumming potential.

Thank you for saying you see potential in me, and making me believe it myself. I'm so glad you were enthusiastic and adamant that I continue, despite not having any reason to persuade me to do so. I don't even pay you for lessons, and when you're busy with school, my drumming lessons have nothing to do with you, but the fact that you said so encourages me so much.

I still don't know why I love the drums, like I don't know why I like to paint my nails, or eat eggs, but I am psyched to become good at something that I enjoy and adore so much! Drumming is really fun (when I get it right and am not getting frustrated and hitting randomly) and it would be the best if I could do it properly!

Thank you for giving me this kickstart, even if I still can't sound it out! I try, okay, I will do so, sometime!

Thank you for being my talented friend who isn't hesitant to share his knowledge and worth with others, and the one whom people remember for never failing to bullshit and have nonsensical remarks and retorts, and for having the funniest conversations with. You're one of my favourite people. :)

Along with everyone else in this post, hahahah sorry ah. Not good enough then go away, hahaha.

4. #TVWhores

There is one thing I cherish deeply, honesty. Despite knowing this group for less than six months, I feel like we can open up to one another and it's very rare to have such a collection of people who are so open-minded and forward and advanced in their mindsets, to share our world views.

I guess the reason we (more like they) are open-minded is because of all the TV they watch. I haven't gotten to that level, except with Grey's Anatomy, but if you watch enough TV, I don't think anything in life can throw you off.

I love that each of us connects to a part of fiction and media and really analyse everything and try to learn things from TV and apply it to our own lives. It's like I can sense that they also feel about their favourite TV shows and movies the way I feel about Grey's or Fight Club or (500) DOS. It's a cult, but not really.

Oh no I forgot to post the image that Li-wen made for our Christmas gift, in my previous Christmas post! Seeing that photo on Facebook the moment I was back in Singapore after my bloggers' trip and had my phone data connection back on, put a grin on my face! But it's okay I'll post it with a photo of Bhav's gift for me, in an entry next year. ;)

I really like a lot of the #TVWhores a lot. I feel like I have a lot to learn and cherish from them. I wanna absorb or at least understand the different views they all have. You know people who think too much? This group has a lot of them. I really hope I get to meet them more in 2012, and have deeper conversations!

5. Huda

You and I are testament (new or old? harhar, #nampaksahpenat) to the fact that physical proximity is not necessarily required for a strong bond. This is the interwebz, in the 21st century! Anything can happen! Thank you Huda.

If I were lazy (which I always am), I'd just link the birthday post. This may very well be a reiteration of all that was in that post, but then again, so is most of the above of this post, so I will be conscientious and write my thanks to you, Hudeedoo.

Thank you for caring. Thank you for caring so much about people, you sometimes have to pretend not to care. I love that you care. Don't stop, okay? I love that you and I have so much to learn from each other and our respective experiences.

Thank you for indulging me when we are both simply tired and just want a half-hour of laughter and thus turn on the Minah modes. It's so rare to find someone on the same wavelength, in tune with me. You and I make the same stupid Malay jokes, we are awkward turtles together, it's in our nature to think dirty.

Even aside from humour, we read the same books, and are reminded of the same things, and it's so nice to share so much in common with someone, and yet be two very different people.

I know it sounds weird to say this to someone I don't meet irl (and I know you must feel the same way typing it about me! we are such #kurakurakekok) but I truly do love you, and I wish for the best for you in 2012. It is the year you turn 21, and I already know you've been a mature adult for so long.

Someone should write a slash fic about us and our circlejerking, maybe you should ask your friend Lyana to write it (omg she has the same name as me! HAHAHA. that is so odd -.-).

6. Bhavna and Shereen

Bhavs, thank you for being my elder sister, didi. I think you of all people understand what it means to take charge of life, and not let life bring you down. You have been so strong throughout and I respect and admire you. I look up to you as an example.

I know every day is a challenge, and every day may feel like an uphill battle, but trust me, I've seen the fight you have in you and if you don't feel up to it, I will be one of the people who will support you. You've been an adult for so long, long before it was your time to. Just remember that sometimes it's okay to not be okay, and when you're not okay, it too shall pass.

I can only hope and pray that I have as much courage as you, as much maturity to handle whatever comes my way, and I thank you for lending me your strength and wisdom to draw upon. May 2012 bring us a more peaceful time and just allows us to be girlfriends and have fun times like the young girls we used to be.

Shereen, thank you for being my younger sister (by exactly a week). I know you have gone through a lot, and life isn't always easy for you, so I want you to know how proud I am that you got to where you are. I love that in spite of the mess life has, you just sit in your chair and don't budge along with your hair and Tumblog your way without caring.

Life: "Shereen, Y U NO FLINCH FROM ME?" Shereen: "Bitch please, you ain't got nothin' on me."

Hahahahaha I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but I just mean that Shereen turns all her experiences into a positive story and despite all her drama, she is very rational and practical (except when she's driving, she's a madwoman) and she knows that everyone's gotta do what everyone's gotta do.

I love Shereen because she may cry and tear but to a lot of people, she's the strong one who makes other people laugh, sometimes at her own expense. She really reminds me of my younger sister because she always amuses me. Don't stop doing your thing, Shereeeeeen! Be happy and don't let anyone get you down!

7. My family

I have a unique and special family which extends beyond your wildest dreams.

I have a stepdad so I have a stepfamily, two more stepgrandparents on his side of the family. I have a stepmum, and stepgrandparents on her side of her family. My biological father has a stepmother, so I have a stepgrandmother along with my paternal grandmother, Opung. I really have a lot of family, hahaha.

I thank all of them for being my family. I know they are all the kind of people to accept me no matter my choices and life decisions and whoever I am and want to be. I know, they would not disown me or judge me for anything I do or anyone I love. I know because given that my family is seriously extended, pretty much anything has happened in my family, and everybody still stays family.

I say this very proudly and gratefully because in my own humble opinion, I think God loves me and God has been very kind to me and shown me His love by providing me with this family that loves me regardless. My family is proof, an extension of God's power, and I marvel at His glory.

Thank you Mum, you and Nyai are the two strongest women I know. Thank you for being such an incredible pillar of strength that raised me for twenty-one years and my younger sisters, and even with your cancer, you still are able to put us first. If I were to ever be a mother, my role models would be Nyai, you, and all your sisters/my aunts. You all are such inspirations.

Mum, thank you not only for 2011 but for the past twenty-one years of being my mother. I know it's been very tough and I just hope the daughter I am and the daughter I grow to be will never disappoint you. I love you very, very much, and nothing will ever take that away!

Thank you dik, I have been very blessed to have you as my sister, I wouldn't want anyone else. I actually am remarkably proud of you and will be more proud of you if you learn to believe in yourself. You are more than the person I am, even at fifteen years old and could be even more if you just tried.

Study hard, be a filial daughter, have faith, don't sweat the small things and remember all the little things. Thank you for being my best girlfriend. Even though you and I are worlds apart (you with your shy inhibitions, me with my openness), you and I will always have the same platform of the best sense of humour, hahahaha. Also, please do inherit all my anal grammar Nazi genes. You are on the right track.

One day I will bring you to Korea. I love you!

To everyone else in my family, please do know that I may not express my gratitude here, may never have said thank you for being the person you are, or I love you, but I do. Every one of you makes a difference, and I'm glad we have the family that we are.

8. Everyone

To the guai-kias, and Reen, and Chloe, and Ekta, Irene, Tim, Shikin, people I last met in secondary school, the debaters, Maurice, Jamie, Zahidah, the NAPBAS bloggers, ZY, Kel, Oiman, G, Dirah, Rachel (Chang), Amanda Tan my internship partner, Zakiah, basically everybody, whether I have met you once this year, or twice, or three times or thirty times or none. Thank you for everything you've done for me in my entire life, you all mean something to me.

I believe that everybody has the opportunity to learn and experience and exchange something worthwhile from every person they cross paths with and you all have taught me something, and I thank you for that. Thank you for being the people you are, some of you I really wanna thank for being so nice to me, and I hope to meet you soon, but even if we don't get to, here's to hoping 2012 will provide for all of you.

MAYBE I'M CRAZY TO SUPPOSEI'D EVER BE THE ONE YOU CHOSE

2011-12-30T11:07:00.000+08:00

The morning after I got back from Malaysia, Khalis called and then we arranged a drumming session. He told me to be "prepared", and such things always make me stressed, but it turned out to be a fun time. He is now apparently Drummer/Impromptu Singer.

After the session, I went to meet Oiman for dinner at Sembawang.

She had naan with keema.

I had mutton chop.

We had satay.

We also had an intriguing conversation. I love talking to open-minded people. :D

She got me a photo frame from Ikea, thank you dear! I shall frame up a photo and decorate it soon!

After dinner, I headed to Christina's condo at Yishun Emerald for the NAPBAS bloggers' belated Xmas get-together/Clarence's birthday celebration hahahaha bitchezzzz. I'd gotten Starbucks cheesecakes and panna cotta for their dessert 'cos it was a potluck.

We exchanged cards.

This is from Ann, the one who bought the nice log cake/Clarence's birthday cake!

This is a handdrawn one from my roommate bby, Celine. It's amazing how you can cheat on so many people and we all still adore you!

This is from Val, yay it's a pink lollipop!

And this is from Amanda, the one with Amazing Hands. HAHA the cookies tasted nice, probably 'cos the batter was massaged and kneaded by her. :P

Issac is the sweetest, with his sweet card and his gift.

He got me a pastel pink babydoll dress! Is it sweet or what! It's adorable, I love it! Thank you for being so sweet, Issac! You're too nice! I hope for all kinds of happiness for you! ;)

Thank you all! Also to Bhavs for her gift, I'm sorry I still can't post the photo 'cos we haven't mailed Irene's and Shereen's Xmas/New Year's gifts yet!

I woke up with goosebumps today because the message I received in the morning was about something I'd been thinking about just before I slept last night! Okay sooooo...

Just in case the video was a question posed to me (I don't know these things la, sometimes I'm too presumptuous and sometimes I miss the biggest things), I have plans with the Tasties, but boys are allowed hahaha. It would be nice to spend the strike of midnight on 1st Jan with my favourite people. :)

If it wasn't a question to me, I hope the person doesn't read this. *slaps forehead*

Imma meet Chloe for lunch and then it's work tonight! Goodbye! My 2011 post will be out tomorrow!